Ask Aunty S


Dear Aunty S

My daughter-in-law is a changed woman since she had her first child.
She wasn’t too happy throughout the pregnancy but we assumed she would come right when the baby was born. The pregnancy wasn’t planned.
We were wrong.
She hates motherhood, she went back to work four weeks after the birth and I took over caring for my grandchild during the day.
My son picks his child up at night and also the evening meal which I prepare for them.
She is not depressed or sad, she just hates this ‘mother thing’ as she calls it.
She is in her thirties and has a high flying job.
She is actually a lovely woman and my son and her are a loving couple.
She has now asked me to take care of the baby full-time which I have readily agreed to but my son is worried we should give her more time to bond before taking this step.

Aunty S responds

Your son sounds like a fine man but going against his wife’s wishes could cause conflict so best to go along with her.
She is being totally honest which must be respected.
I know of many women who should never have had children.
Sadly it sounds like your daughter-in-law is in this category.
You are a kind, caring and non-judgemental woman and your love for your family is obvious.
Your son can still stop in to see his child after work and you may like to keep making their evening meal which shows your support for both of them.
You are all very fortunate to have each other.
Keep in the back of your mind when your grandchild is out of the baby/ toddler stage your daughter-in-law may find it easier to bond, I know of a case where the mother accepted the child fully when they turned school age.
I wish you the very best and know you will be adaptable to whatever happens.

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