Tongue and Cheek Tale

Affidavit by Sandra Hobbs, Hercules Flat Roxburgh.
Witnessed by Bill & Pete at the Roxburgh Courthouse.
On the 10th Day of December 2015.


To the:

General Manager
Kuala Lumpur International Airport


Dear Sir/Madam

I, Sandra Hobbs, do declare that two of the Jumbo Jets sitting at Kuala Lumpur International Airport are mine and I wish to claim them.


There is a bit of a story as to how I mislaid them so please bear with me.


Apparently on my 60th birthday a year ago I had a wee bit too much of the wildwood weed after my good friend Sheik Ali flew in from the Emirate Empire.

I was simply overwhelmed and burst into tears when he gifted me a Boeing Co. 747-200F plane.

After a bit more wildwood weed, a yummy chocolate cookie and a YouTube tutorial on ‘How to fly a Plane’, I drove to the Roxburgh International Airport where my Birthday gift was awaiting me.

Let me tell you I made quick work of pulling the many black bows off it.

When I eventually took off, unbeknown to me, obviously because of my wildwood weed state of mind, (oh the night colours were so bright) there was a frost just starting to settle on the ground and local boys Syd and Mark were patrolling that remarkable Orchard adjacent to the International Airport.

I really don’t know what the fuss was all about as I missed them by about a foot and maybe I did clip a tree or two but I got that sucker off the ground!

Yes boys, the new trees were an anonymous gift from me.

My memory has only just returned which is a defence I would swear to in a Court of Law.


I digress…..

Imagine my surprise when I woke up with a shocking headache a few hours later.

Airplane crisps are so full of salt and really I shouldn’t have eaten so many but by golly all that flying gave me the munchies.

I engaged the emergency shoot and departed the plane looking for food, drink and the Ladies lavatory.

I woke up a few hours later perched on a toilet seat in the Gents lavatory with a huge amount of men watching me.

I could see they all wanted to take me home as I looked so distressed.

Chivalry is not dead!

I declined their kind offers of assistance and after a quick feed of some exotic foreign food from a wonderful friendly little café at the back of the Airport, it came to me.

How was I going to explain this situation I have found myself in and more importantly how was I going to get home???

I decided after a minute of careful reflection that the best thing to do was to just ‘wing it’.

A quick phone call to Sheik Ali allayed his concerns as he had noticed me missing when the cake was about to be cut and was so relieved to hear from me. Quick as a flash he was jetting through the sky on his way to rescue me, like a knight in shining armour.

When he arrived he had the cheek to ask me where my birthday gift was!

I engaged quick thinking (winging it) and told him how I had been mugged in downtown Roxburgh outside the Super Value Grocery Store where I was perusing the weeks specials which Ian had posted in the front window beside the ‘Santa Claus Colouring In Competition’. (Well done Julian for getting Mum to colour in for you. You deserved to win First Prize) and the next thing I knew, I was flying through the sky with a heavily disguised man at the wheel.

Sheik Ali believed my story and kindly offered me another plane, which I reluctantly accepted.

Probably by now you will see where this story is going!

Yes… another wildwood weed flight to Kuala Lumpur so I can categorically state two of the planes are mine but I swear I have absolutely no idea as to who owns the third.

I am thoroughly ashamed of my behaviour and hope my honesty will allow you to PLEASE give me my planes back.

My address is Hobbs Orchard, Hercules Flat, Roxburgh, New Zealand and furthermore I was just wondering if anyone found a large packet of my herbal tea in one of the planes.

Many thanks for your understanding and co-operation.

realist quote


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