RIP Joan Rivers

RIP Joan Rivers

joan rivers

Joan Rivers’ one-liners and self-deprecating humour made us all laugh and she will be remembered and missed.


“I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”

“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”

“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware.”

“I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My make-up team is nominated for best special effects.”‘

“When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.”

“You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.”

“At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.”

“Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can’t dress.”

“My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, ‘Pick up, I know you’re there’.”

“My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.”

“I was getting dressed and a peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.”

“It’s common courtesy; he’s doing most of the work; you’ve got to encourage him.”

“A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.”

“I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them”

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. ”

“I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.”

“I use a smoke alarm as a timer.”

“You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”

“I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

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