Dear Aunty S

How do I stop my relatives and friends from interrogating me on a continual basis as to why I am not having kids?  The comments vary, aren’t you being selfish?, you will be alone one day when your husband dies, can’t your husband father children?, are you the one at fault? etc, etc.

I am beginning to dread catching up with relatives and friends.

Help! 

Aunty S responds

Have you come to the right person my darling girl??

You must shut them down the minute they open their mouths.

And this is how you do it.

“The weather is so unpredictable at present – I think the camping trip will have to be put off once again.” It doesn’t actually matter whether you camp or not.

This is how you deflect my dear…

The majority will catch on immediately that this is a topic which is out of bounds; oh yes there may be Great Aunty Gertrude who may try and push the subject and this is when you use, a personal favourite of mine, “gosh I really need a cup of tea, catch you later”

Peace will be yours forever more if you take my advice.

Keep in touch.

Ask Aunty S

Dear Aunty S

I hate Christmas and every year I say I won’t be inviting the relatives again to our place for Xmas dinner but then I weaken and agree to do it all over again!  

There is about thirty who come and never once have they said, “ Thank you”, offered to bring food with them, brought drinks,  brought anything!

My sister who lives overseas reckons they all just use me and laugh behind my back!   That really hurts. 

My husband and children say they have had enough of  the huge Xmas with relatives and just want us to have a Xmas by ourselves and they want it at the beach in our tent.

I am in two minds as I don’t want to upset my relatives. 

What should I do? 

Aunty S responds

My darling girl you have a kind heart and whether your sister is right or wrong, you need to stop and smell the roses and put your own family first next Xmas.

1. Tell the kids to organise the tent for Xmas day at the beach.

2. Ring the relatives and tell them Xmas dinner is not going ahead this  coming  year as you and the family are going camping.

3. Don’t feel guilty. 

4. Enjoy that family of yours, as time goes by very fast.

5. Have a lovely relaxing Xmas Day with your family. 

6. Don’t feel guilty.

Ask Aunty S

Dear Aunty S

At the beginning of the year I told my partner that our child and I will never again have Xmas dinner with his family as they are a pack of  nasty people but I said he can go by himself if he wants. He is adamant that he won’t go without us which makes me feel guilty.   

They have never accepted their grandchild or I for that matter and the father of my partner calls our child ‘little half-breed’ and the other relatives  look down their noses at us as well and refuse to speak to us. If I try to engage in conversation with them they blank me. I never told my Partner how they treated me until recently when his brother came to visit and actually told me off for letting them treat me that way. He had assumed his brother knew what they were up to..

My partner has always tried so hard to get them to accept our child which I think is admirable but after all this time I truly think its time to pull the pin.

My family have accepted my Partner and treat him as a son and brother.

Do you think I am right or should I give them one more chance?

Aunty S responds

Well and truly time to pull the pin my dear girl. 

You are an amazing woman for giving them so many chances to show kindness and respect.
They are not worthy.

Ask Aunty S

Dear Aunty S,

Ever since my father in law died my mother in law has taken to drinking wine in the evenings to get to sleep, she refuses the sleeping pills offered by her Doctor.

My husband decided to drop our child off the other day for a couple of hours as he had an urgent meeting and he couldn’t get hold of me.  

Our child found a colourful drink bottle and had a drink, but it was full of wine.

He was lethargic when he was picked up, the Dr worked it out pretty quick it was because of alcohol.  Thankfully he was fine but my trust in her has been broken. 

She is apologetic and begged us to forgive her, but I have had enough. 

I want to cut all ties with her, how do I make my husband agree with me?

Aunty S responds

Your mother in law has does nothing wrong, so why punish her?

Your husband knew she occasionally drank to get to sleep since his Dad died.

What actually is the crime? 

She wasn’t drunk in charge of your child.  

She had a bottle with alcohol in it on her kitchen bench. 

Your child decided to pick it up and drink from it. 

He is four years old so at this age he should have asked for a drink not just randomly pick up a colourful bottle and start drinking.

I think as parents you two should have learned a valuable lesson, teach your child not to randomly pick up a bottle and swig from it. 

Your mother in law has done nothing wrong. 

It was an accident.

She, by your own admission, was not drunk.

Do not demonize her, she is a loving Grandma, adjusting to life without her husband, please treat her with kindness.  

Remember she is your child’s Grandma so treat her with respect.

Dear Aunty S

An older work colleague of mine is nothing but a bully, she treats me appallingly.

When called out by management over any mistakes she makes, she puts the blame in my direction and is believed without hesitation!  I have the evidence that actually proves she is responsible for the mistakes, which is extremely distressing.

I am now on my second warning; I don’t know what to do.

My other work colleagues are too frightened to side with me even though they are vocal to me how she has always been incompetent, a liar and a bully.

I feel my only two options left is to be either pushed out by her or I resign before being pushed. I really don’t want to leave as my job is everything to me. 

Can you see a solution to my predicament?

Aunty S responds

You have nothing to lose so why not ask for a meeting with Management and tell them, very calmly, how you love your job and will no longer tolerate being blamed for this woman’s mistakes and how you are appalled at how she is readily believed with you having no right of reply to her accusations.

I have sent you an email with extra information that may assist you with this future meeting. 

You are not alone; I am in your corner my Dear so keep positive and please do not resign.

I am only a click away.

Dear Aunty S

I need to return to work but my husband says it is out of the question. He was a ‘day care kid’ and he always reminds me how I did say I would give up work to care for our child.

He is right but I have tried to be a stay at home Mum, but I really hate it.

Because I am at home, he does nothing when he gets home and I am worn out. I have asked for help, but he says his job is to make the money and mine is to look after the baby and the house.

I need to go to work. 

 My best friend says she will care for our baby as she is home with her two and she is a wonderful mother so our child will not be a day care kid but still my husband says no. 

My job starts in a week’s time, I will not back down.

He isn’t going to stop me but I know from previous experiences he will sulk and be bad tempered for a while until he settles down. 

I love but I do get fed up with his controlling personality.

Am I being selfish?

Aunty S responds

Of course, you are not being selfish.

You my dear are a caring mother and your friend sounds great.

You have organised a very workable compromise.

You have gone along with the “no day care rule” ……a trusted friend will do the daytime caring so really there isn’t a problem.  

A dear friend of mine was adamant she would be a ‘stay at home Mum’ but after two months she collapsed into my arms, sobbing that she was a bad mother, so trust me you are not alone.  

Stick to your guns and hopefully your husband will see sense.

I do actually understand where he is coming from as there are some Day Care Facilities which are substandard.  This is why much importance must be placed in choosing the right one.   

It goes without saying, he has appalling memories of his childcare days so hopefully in time he will see you have made the correct call. 

Keep me posted and enjoy your first day back at work.

Aunty S

Dear Aunty S

Next door to me lives a couple of gay men and I suspect they are paedophiles.

They always talk to my grandchildren when they are visiting, and it just feels creepy.

There is no fence between our properties and my dog often goes over to them and I watch them play with him and now I wonder if they are enticing him over.

My life used to be simple until they moved in next door.

How do I stop them from talking to my grandchildren and dog? 

Aunty S responds:

You have allowed your imagination to run wild my dear girl.

You need to stop and take a deep breath.   

These men are gay……sadly, there are still some who assume gay and paedophiles go hand in hand……this is incorrect.

Your grandchildren obviously talk to them, so they respond…this is called being polite.

Your dog enjoys visiting them and with no boundary fence it is hardly a crime for them to interact with him.

Please try and be polite to your neighbours…….I am sure they would be mortified and distressed if they knew you had labelled them as possible paedophiles. 

A few photos of the garden over the last few days

 

 

 

 

IMG_8582

IMG_8588

IMG_8590

IMG_8593

IMG_8603

IMG_8607

IMG_8608

IMG_8609

IMG_8610

IMG_8611

IMG_8612

 

IMG_8613

IMG_8616

IMG_8618

IMG_8635

IMG_8648

IMG_8650

IMG_8655

IMG_8657

IMG_8660

IMG_8669

IMG_8670

IMG_8671

IMG_8676

IMG_8677

IMG_8679

IMG_8680

IMG_8681

IMG_8682

IMG_8683

IMG_8685

IMG_8686

IMG_8689

IMG_8691

IMG_8695

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My adult son  arrived home recently after this virus caused him to become redundant and as he can’t afford his mortgage anymore, he has rented his house out so is now homeless.
He moved into the self-contained flat downstairs but insists on coming upstairs every night to watch TV with us.
My husband is happy to have him home as they go hunting together.
I am finding it a struggle to cope with his everyday presence as he hasn’t lived at home for nearly twenty years.
I miss my old life without him.
I really want him to go and have asked a friend if she could board him and she has agreed.
My husband is furious with me as he wants him to stay and has told me I should be the one to go.
I have never seen him so angry.
He simply will not see how this disruption is affecting me.
How can I make him see sense?

Aunty S responds

Wow…your son, like many thousands here and around the world, have had their lives turned upside down, the last thing he needs is to have a cold indifferent mother.
Where is your compassion my dear?
Yes he may stay a few months, so what, he is your son.
Through no fault of his own he is jobless, his profession being one of the hardest hit.
Think very carefully before you throw him out, as everything we do in life has consequences,  rejecting your son in his hour of need will obviously devastate him and will most certainly cause a rift between you and your husband.
Your husband has every right to insist on your son staying, as it’s his home too.
It really depends who yells the loudest as to who wins this war, and if you do win, you will probably lose my dear.
Have a long think before you do something you will regret.

rose border

 

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

In three years I will be fifty and feel my life so far has been rather wasted.
A relative has offered to sell me his beach bach which is really a house and I have more than enough to buy it so I want to go for it.
My partner says he won’t move but is happy for me to buy it and he will visit me from time to time as the bach is only a thirty minute drive away and he can stay where he is as the rent is cheap.
Should I go for it or stay put?

Aunty S responds

Great pics of the beach bach, and in such a lovely setting.
Coincidently I have been to this beach many times so can imagine your joy at being given the opportunity to live there permanently.
Why not go for it….. live your dream.
All the best.

rose border