Ask Aunty S


Dear Aunty S

My husband suffers from sleep apnoea and has been told to lose weight as he has other very serious health problems.
I have attached his medication list.
He has a bad temper and I believe he is in the early stage of dementia as he is so paranoid and nasty.
I thought making him stand in front of the mirror would make him realize the size of himself and how it revolts me but all he did was cry.
He has to lose weight but with this dementia he just yells and says he has to maintain his weight.
He isn’t thinking straight.
He will not let me go to the Doctor with him.
He yells and screams if I say I am.
I am tired of pretending to our friends that we are a happy couple.
We even sleep in separate beds except when visitors stay and then I have to endure this overweight lump in my bed.

What do you suggest?


Aunty S Responds:

Oh my dear.

Make an appointment with his Doctor and tell him what is going on immediately.

Once you explain the seriousness of the issue, I am sure he will come up with a plan.
It is a shocking situation to be in and I am so sorry that I can be of no help as this is way out of my area of expertize but I’m so glad you have written in as you are no longer alone with this problem.

Be very careful not to provoke him and certainly no more humiliating him in front of a mirror.
You are lucky he has not attacked you and furthermore to reduce him to tears is not the right way my dear.

You definitely need a support system so do you have a friend who can support you through this, as sooner than later you will need to make some serious decisions.

Keep me posted.

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4 Responses to Ask Aunty S

  • M.P:

    My wife has sleep apnoea and is skinny as a rake as she smokes like a train and never eats even though she does when people are around.
    Her Doctor has told her that she has to make lifestyle changes if she wants to reach fifty. I am so tired of living like this.

  • D.W.:

    Thanks for posting this woman’s letter as it hit a nerve with my husband who is grossly overweight and suffers from sleep apnea.
    He cried when he realized how selfish he’s being.
    Thanks Sandra.

  • Su:

    This post could have been my sister writing it as her husband is the man being described. I understand her frustrations more now.

  • P.M.:

    I know how this woman feels as I am in a similar position.
    My husband is suffering from sleep apnea as well and refuses to diet even though his Doctor has told him he’s killing himself. He is a diabetic as well so it is probably more serious.