Dear Aunty S

My four year old daughter doesn’t talk, wets her pants and the bed, is very nervous.
Up until two weeks ago she was cared for in our home by a close friend who is experienced in childcare.
As we work long hours we thought it best to have in-house childcare and our close friend applied for the job.
I arranged for our daughter to be tested by a Specialist and he found nothing wrong with her which seemed strange so we set up a spy camera in our house never expecting on seeing anything amiss.
After the first day of surveillance, we sacked our friend as all we saw was her being on the phone all day or playing games on it. She constantly told our daughter to “shut up and watch TV” and when it came to snacks and lunch, she threw the food at her. She never once spoke to her. She invited her friends over during that one day and their kids treated our daughter appallingly.  She was cowering in the corner, as she was so frightened.  I still cry thinking about it.
I have quit my job and am trying to repair the damage done to her.
The guilt we feel is horrendous.
How do I build up her shattered confidence as I am struggling with what to do?

Aunty S responds

You extracted your daughter from the care of this vile woman the minute you found out what she was up to so to me you are a wonderful compassionate mother.
As you live in close proximity to a huge park and the beach, buy an age appropriate Bird Identification book and a pair of child binoculars and go  bird-watching.

Collect shells, build sand castles, swim, laugh, have picnic lunches.
Go shopping together.
Interact with her on a continual basis.
Tell her she is a wonderful daughter and how much you love her.
Talk about your ex-friend. Ask her how she feels about her now.  Is she frightened of her?
If she is, tell her she never has to see her again.

Validate how she feels….she has every right to be angry, hurt, sad, worried, frightened.
Make her feel special….buy a kids joke book and tell jokes…sing together.

Don’t force other kids on her…she needs to have her confidence built up first before she can feel comfortable with others.
Embrace everyday with a passion.
Talk and read to her on a continuous basis.

She has been conditioned to watching TV alone so make sure this never happens again. Always sit down and watch it together. It will be a great opportunity to bond.
Read age appropriate books to her off and on during the day…..make the books come alive with wit and laughter, and read to her overnight before she nods off.
As your husband enjoys fishing, buy a rod for you and your daughter as well and make fishing a family outing whenever possible.

Don’t worry; her confidence will be built up by the time she goes to school.

I am only a click away.