Monthly Archives: December 2015

Heat Wave

This recent heat wave reminds me of when the kids were little and their paddle pool sat just a couple of feet from the Fruit Stall side door so I could keep a close eye on them.

Of course their shadow, Aunty Belle, sat bedside the pool watching them attentively, sticking her toe occasionally into the pool but for the most part she was content to watch their every move from the safety of the sideline.

The role of Aunty was and is still taken very seriously.

One day when I couldn’t stand the heat a minute longer, I plonked myself down, fully clothed, beside them in the pool.

They laughed with delight, as did Aunty.

Then after a few minutes, we heard the sound of a car coming up the driveway.

I leapt out of the pool, stumbled into the Fruit Stall and there I stood to greet the customers in full knowledge they would not be able to see my soaking wet bottom half!

After a few minutes of sales and banter, I was asked whether there was a tap running, as the sound of water dripping was becoming louder and louder with each minute passing.

At that exact moment Alex walked in and responded, “Oh that’s just Sandra.”

Their horrified looks made me aware that Alex’s response was rather inappropriate so I shot around the corner of the counter in double quick time so they could see a ‘dripping wet me’, which I hoped would be self explanatory after I mentioned one word and that being ‘paddle pool.’

They laughed, then laughed some more and tootled on their merry way with fruit in hand a good hour later.

Since then, every year without failure, we reminisce of days gone by and ‘that’ moment in time, which we hilariously shared.

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Ask Aunty S


Dear Aunty S

My eighty something year old father has bought himself a new car which is far too big for him to drive safely and now my mother is too frightened to go anywhere with him as he has already dented it a few times from minor mishaps. The Panel beater told me he shouldn’t be driving at all as he bumped into another car when he took it into his shop.

He was diagnosed with early dementia a few months ago.

I am frustrated as I am the only family member who can assist. He has told me he will go to his Lawyer and withdraw the Power of Attorney he gave me if I stick my nose in.

What do I do?


Aunty S responds

I am of the opinion that anyone diagnosed with dementia must stop driving.

Even though we have all this patient confidentiality nonsense these days, please talk to your father’s Doctor and tell him of your father’s purchase and the minor mishaps that have occurred so far. Also talk to your fathers Lawyer and tell him of your father’s irrational behaviour and how he has threatened to cancel the Power Of Attorney.

I am only a click away so you are not alone my dear.

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Ask Aunty S



Dear Aunty S

My children won’t accept my boyfriend so will not be coming home for Xmas nor will my sisters be visiting on the day.

My boyfriend is a widower with no children whom I have known for many years.

It’s ten years since their father died so I feel they are being unreasonable as I have never looked at another man until now.

What do you think?


Aunty S responds

Your children and sisters are being silly and cruel and need to grow up.
They may come round in time; the best thing you can do is try not to worry about their rejection hence don’t sit at home on Xmas day, pack a picnic hamper and head off to his beach bach.
Enjoy your life my darling.

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Ask Aunty S


Dear Aunty S 

My husband wants our eldest son to take over the family farm but he insists he doesn’t want a farming career.

Now my husband wants to pay for him to have a work free OE with the hope he will come home and settle down.

My son doesn’t want to go and is getting fed up with my husbands attempts as he just wants a simple life growing vegetables for a Farmers Market in an off grid house which he intends to build himself.

Our younger son would like to take over the farm so it would stay in the family but my husband disagrees.
He isn’t hurt by his older brother being the preferred one, as he is easy going.

How do I make my husband see sense?


Aunty S responds

You have a very stubborn husband my dear but all is not lost.
The solution is simple.
Your son must sit down with his Dad and in a kind loving way explain that nothing will make him change his mind; he doesn’t want to be a Farmer so his generous offer of an OE trip would be a total waste of money and assure him of how happy he is that his younger brother wants to take over the farm.
Sadly a lot of old fashioned views still rear their ugly head from time to time.
You are so fortunate to have such sensible sons, probably a lot to do with how they were brought up.

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Tongue and Cheek Tale

Affidavit by Sandra Hobbs, Hercules Flat Roxburgh.
Witnessed by Bill & Pete at the Roxburgh Courthouse.
On the 10th Day of December 2015.


To the:

General Manager
Kuala Lumpur International Airport


Dear Sir/Madam

I, Sandra Hobbs, do declare that two of the Jumbo Jets sitting at Kuala Lumpur International Airport are mine and I wish to claim them.


There is a bit of a story as to how I mislaid them so please bear with me.


Apparently on my 60th birthday a year ago I had a wee bit too much of the wildwood weed after my good friend Sheik Ali flew in from the Emirate Empire.

I was simply overwhelmed and burst into tears when he gifted me a Boeing Co. 747-200F plane.

After a bit more wildwood weed, a yummy chocolate cookie and a YouTube tutorial on ‘How to fly a Plane’, I drove to the Roxburgh International Airport where my Birthday gift was awaiting me.

Let me tell you I made quick work of pulling the many black bows off it.

When I eventually took off, unbeknown to me, obviously because of my wildwood weed state of mind, (oh the night colours were so bright) there was a frost just starting to settle on the ground and local boys Syd and Mark were patrolling that remarkable Orchard adjacent to the International Airport.

I really don’t know what the fuss was all about as I missed them by about a foot and maybe I did clip a tree or two but I got that sucker off the ground!

Yes boys, the new trees were an anonymous gift from me.

My memory has only just returned which is a defence I would swear to in a Court of Law.


I digress…..

Imagine my surprise when I woke up with a shocking headache a few hours later.

Airplane crisps are so full of salt and really I shouldn’t have eaten so many but by golly all that flying gave me the munchies.

I engaged the emergency shoot and departed the plane looking for food, drink and the Ladies lavatory.

I woke up a few hours later perched on a toilet seat in the Gents lavatory with a huge amount of men watching me.

I could see they all wanted to take me home as I looked so distressed.

Chivalry is not dead!

I declined their kind offers of assistance and after a quick feed of some exotic foreign food from a wonderful friendly little café at the back of the Airport, it came to me.

How was I going to explain this situation I have found myself in and more importantly how was I going to get home???

I decided after a minute of careful reflection that the best thing to do was to just ‘wing it’.

A quick phone call to Sheik Ali allayed his concerns as he had noticed me missing when the cake was about to be cut and was so relieved to hear from me. Quick as a flash he was jetting through the sky on his way to rescue me, like a knight in shining armour.

When he arrived he had the cheek to ask me where my birthday gift was!

I engaged quick thinking (winging it) and told him how I had been mugged in downtown Roxburgh outside the Super Value Grocery Store where I was perusing the weeks specials which Ian had posted in the front window beside the ‘Santa Claus Colouring In Competition’. (Well done Julian for getting Mum to colour in for you. You deserved to win First Prize) and the next thing I knew, I was flying through the sky with a heavily disguised man at the wheel.

Sheik Ali believed my story and kindly offered me another plane, which I reluctantly accepted.

Probably by now you will see where this story is going!

Yes… another wildwood weed flight to Kuala Lumpur so I can categorically state two of the planes are mine but I swear I have absolutely no idea as to who owns the third.

I am thoroughly ashamed of my behaviour and hope my honesty will allow you to PLEASE give me my planes back.

My address is Hobbs Orchard, Hercules Flat, Roxburgh, New Zealand and furthermore I was just wondering if anyone found a large packet of my herbal tea in one of the planes.

Many thanks for your understanding and co-operation.

realist quote


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My darling daughter, Ruby, turned 21 the other day.

The years have flown by so fast!

She didn’t want a Birthday Party; all she wanted was a mother-daughter day out in Queenstown; hence to say we had a ball!

My gorgeous kind little daughter who never quite reached five feet, is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside.

How sad it was that Alex wasn’t here to see his beautiful daughter turn twenty-one.

He would be so proud of the lovely young woman she has become.

Sam, Aunty Belle and I,  love her so much.