Ask Aunty S
Dear Aunty S
My long-term boyfriend drove me out of my hometown after I became pregnant.
He told me he wasn’t ready to be a father and started a cyber hate campaign telling his 500 plus Facebook friends, who all lived in our town, telling all that he wasn’t the father of my child and blatantly lied saying there were many others who could be the father.
The majority believed his vile accusations and made my life unbearable so I moved to Australia where wonderful friends were waiting to support me throughout my pregnancy and devastation.
My child is the spitting image of my ex boyfriend who still denies paternity.
He refuses a simple test, which would definitely prove otherwise, but of course he does not want to lose face with his Facebook friends.
His parents know the truth and visit my parents for updates of their grandchild.
They never once believed their son’s false accusations against me but found it too difficult to refute his claims publicly.
My ex and I are not teenagers; we are in our thirties, should anybody reading this assume we are silly teenagers.
I could have coped and would have stayed if I had only my ex to battle with.
Sadly the gullible Facebook friends did the majority of his dirty work and made my everyday life hell in our small town.
As my business was built on honesty and integrity it suffered because of the cyber harassment with my ex boyfriend’s business thriving due to the sympathy he was offered from his friends.
My life has changed forever.
Aunty S Responds
My darling girl, how strong you are.
Thank you so much for sharing your painful story as I know this will give strength to others in a similar situation as many others have written in with similar stories which they have asked me not to publish as they are so embarrassed by their plights.
You, my dear, know fully well this is not your shame.
The shame belongs to your ex and his ‘band of followers’.
Our New Friend
A year and a half ago, a neighbour’s cat decided to visit Sam on a regular basis whilst he was working in the Orchard, staying for hours at a time.
When Sam would move to another block, Lugs would jump up on his knee or beside him determined he wasn’t getting away that quickly!
The bond between cat and man grew daily with Lugs often walking through the backyard at night, peeking in the ranch slider to check that Sam got home safely.
She enjoyed having her home down at Molly’s and her daytime adventures with Sam.
The very best of both worlds.
But two weeks ago everything changed as Lugs turned up whilst we were entertaining friends on the deck and has stayed ever since.
The first we knew of our new resident was the morning after our visitors’ left we found her asleep in my chair on the deck when the drapes were opened.
Eventually she will tire of us and return to her rightful home but in the mean time we will care for until that day arrives.
During the day she goes to work with Sam or sleeps on his bed, depending on what mood she’s in.
She also watches TV in the sunroom from the comfort of the couch.
All visitors to our home assume we have a new cat.
We don’t.
Her attempts to jump in Sam’s bedroom window at night have failed miserably as it’s just a fraction to high for her to get a good grip into something solid.
The other morning at 2am, after listening to the constant howling by Lugs, Sam reached over to help her in the window. Lugs gave up halfway through the attempt and sulked for the rest of the night on the front deck on her blanket.
A very comical cat with definite characteristics of Garfield.
Last week the daily temperatures were well into the thirties.
Lugs came and went during those days without incident or so we thought!
On day three of the heat wave, we awoke to a dreadful smell of something none of us could identify.
After much discussion, we came to the conclusion that a rat or mouse had died in the wall cavity as we still had bait lying around from last winter.
After opening the doors and windows the smell dissipated slightly so we continued on with our morning until all of a sudden at around 7am Ruby and I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I then casually asked her, “Did you check behind the couch in the sunroom?”
Yes folks there it was, a large, decaying, blown, maggoty rabbit.
Lugs had generously given us a us a share of her bounty!!!!
This was a job for the man of the house so a phone call was made to Sam who by now was well into thinning apples on the far side of the Orchard.
As he sensed the urgency in my voice he told me I could expect to see him within two minutes! Sooner would be fine I replied.
Disinfectant, plastic bags and deodorizer were waiting for him when he stepped into the house.
Lugs quietly watched from the chair, on the deck, wondering what the kerfuffle was all about!
Cyber-bullying 3
I have been asked to explain a bit more about our personal cyber-bullying predicament so here’s a bit more background.
But first off I must say, please don’t go on the Bullies’ Facebook page to refute what they are saying about us as they will just turn on you and so will their ’band of followers’ and then I will be sick with worry as to what havoc they will wreak upon you.
I love you all for wanting to help in this way and I will never forget your kindness.
Ok now I will explain a wee bit more on their cyber-bullying.
Sad to say we were also bullied via TXT, email, cell and phone messages with Sam and Ruby bearing the brunt of it.
Fortunately all this data was ‘saved’ so we have a complete trail of the harassment/bullying/intimidation.
Furthermore we have video clips; with sound; taken on our Orchard with one clip in particular clearly showing bizarre, intimidating behaviour towards Sam and Ruby, with an irrational voice message left on Sam’s cell a minute later! This incident defies logic!
All who have seen this video and listened to the rant are shocked by the enormity of their bullying tactics.
The Bullies’ version of events to their ‘band of followers’ and in the public arena doesn’t quite correspond with the actual facts!
What a surprise?
Two of their ’followers’ have recently defected and can’t apologize enough.
And now the bullies have told their friends on Facebook that we are stalking them!! And some believe them!!!
My kids were stalked and we have the proof!
This cyber/social bullying is a smokescreen, which the Bullies created to detract attention away from themselves, over an entirely different issue, and it’s failing miserably as more and more are questioning their motives.
At times I feel as though I’m in a B Grade comedy movie, made in some faraway land!
Cyber-bullying case 2
Emails have been piling up in my inbox over the past week from folk who are or have been cyber-bullied so I will write further on this subject.
First off, I must reiterate.
Don’t isolate yourself as this is what a bully wants you to do.
There are some occasions where the bully has total control so you will be alone through no fault of your own.
In this case phone relatives or friends who live further afield and tell them what you are going through.
Remember don’t be embarrassed as to your plight.
This is not your shame.
You need folk to validate how you feel.
One man told me of how his work colleague wanted his job so started both a cyber and social bullying campaign against him, dragging his wife into the mix as well.
He thought it was best to ignore, hoping it would die down, but of course the bully took this as a sign of weakness so he upped the intensity of the attack.
As they lived in a small town and with many of their friends believing what was said/written they felt alone and betrayed.
Not one friend came to them to ask for their version of events.
The bully had total control.
The ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ on the bully’s Facebook page were from friends they had known all their lives.
These foolish people had no idea they were part of a well-orchestrated campaign to drive a man out of his job so the bully would be promoted which is exactly what happened.
In the end he simply couldn’t stand the cruelness any longer so they sold and moved many miles away.
A few months later the bully was found out and was fired.
This was cold comfort for this man as he was well and truly worn out mentally from the whole saga.
He has a minimal chance of ever finding work again as he is close to my age and to make matters worse, the job he was bullied out of, had been his job since leaving school, which makes it ever so sad.
There are so many stories I could relay but I think you get the picture.
A victim is often asked,
“What have you done to make them hate you?”
In response to this question I ask you to remember back to your school days.
What did you do to make the school bully throw your lunch in the bin?
What did you do to make the school bully tell you how fat and ugly you were?
What did you do to make the school bully punch you?
What did you do to make the school bully tell lies about you?
What did you do to make the school bully rip your towel off you in the changing shed after a swimming lesson so as to humiliate you in front of your classmates?
The answer of course is “nothing”.
And never forget; a bully is a sad and weak individual who feels empowered when disempowering someone else.
Happy Birthday Ruby
Happy 19th Birthday
Ruby
You are the best daughter and sister in the whole world and we love you dearly.
Love from
Mum, Sam and Belle
Just snapped this photo of Ruby in the garden.
It’s going to be a very hot day so she started at 5:30am!
Cyber-bullying 1
Oh my giddy Aunt Dora, we are being cyber-bullied on Facebook!
By a middle-aged couple!
And I thought this was the domain of teenagers.
How wrong was I.
We aren’t actually worried as I am a firm believer in “what goes around comes around.” and it hasn’t failed me yet and I’m in my 60th year!
Of course not all their Facebook friends will believe their lies.
Some folk will think to themselves, “this doesn’t quite make sense”
or “Hey your story is changing”
or “This is a cruel attack”
or “I’m not interested as I know you are a liar and troublemaker from school days so heaven help your new victim”
or “Why do you have the need to tell hundreds of acquaintances this obvious load of rubbish and it appears you are trying really hard to make it sound believable?”
And then there will be others pressing their finger on the “like” button or better still, writing in the “add a comment,” box something nasty enough to make the middle-aged couple smile with delight so that they then press “like!”.
Oh my giddy Aunt!
Most of my friends are on Facebook but none of them would ever intentionally hurt someone on this social network site.
If my adult children ever involved themselves in defaming someone on Facebook, I would die of embarrassment.
Well actually I know they wouldn’t as they have brains.
As I am not on Facebook, I would never have known we were being cyber-bullied if some Facebook ‘friends’ of the middle-aged couple hadn’t rung/ emailed/ visited to warn us.
I must add that some were very distressed whilst others were just simply disgusted.
I asked how they became Facebook friends with a couple who have such a bad reputation for ‘unkindness to people’.
“She sent a friends request and I didn’t want to offend her and I knew they would get nasty if I refused.” was the response from most.
How sad is this!!
Now back to the subject of cyber-bullying.
What a cunning way to mass send a lie or defame someone.
If a nasty person has 300 friends (oh my giddy Aunt, they call them friends when they are acquaintances in most cases) this means they can reach a wide range of folk in a short space of time.
How on earth do teenagers cope!!
Please parents, if your child is being cyber-bullied, step in and sort it out.
PLEASE don’t tell them;
“Stick and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you.”.
I’d like to throttle the person who invented this saying.
Utter rubbish!
With a stone you can throw it back or run like mad!
Names destroy your soul if you don’t have a good support network and friends who know the truth as we do.
Check out their school as old-fashioned bullying often occurs prior to cyber-bullying these days.
Talk to the parents of those bullying your kids.
Most will be mortified.
Hug your kids; tell them they are the most wonderful human beings in the whole world!
Each and every day tell them you love them, even if you have to shout it out as they are walking up the path on their way to school.
Show strength in numbers if your child is cyber-bullied.
A friend took her whole family to visit the parents of a cyber-bully in a small town in the South Island of New Zealand.
The bully had such a shock at her support network she was a timid mouse at school the next day!!
Try any tactic you can think of to assist your teen.
If the local Policeman is approachable, approach him.
You may be surprised as to what solution he can work out with you.
Let’s all make an effort to stamp out cyber-bullying.
The first step is not to ‘like’ and the second step is not to feed it along by adding your own comment.
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