sandra

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My thirteen year old son threatens to run away from home every time I refuse to buy him what he demands so I end up giving in to his demands.
He excels at sport, is an A grade student, has really nice friends, yet he acts like a brat at home.
Our other kids are sick of his drama and now my husband and I are fighting all the time.
I know I have spoilt him but our other children, were brought up the same way and they aren’t obnoxious.
Any tips?

Aunty S responds:

Okay Mum…….no more giving in to him, you are creating a monster.
He is a bright kid, he knows he has a lot to lose if he runs away and where would he run too anyway?
Call his bluff.
Tell him if he wants to run away, that is fine, but he must understand when he is picked up by the Police he will be put in the care of the Government and will be placed in a Foster Home.
He will lose his friends as their parents won’t want them to be associating with a delinquent.
Scare the daylights out of him!
In time he will most probably settle down and behave himself especially when he realises he is acting like a fool and blowing his future.
All you can do is try your best my dear.
The rest is up to him.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My husband ran off with my best friend and set up house with her in our same city a few years ago.
He refused to see our kids which broke their hearts.
He also refused to give me permission to take our kids home to Australia as I am Australian but I had them all in New Zealand even though we lived in Australia.
For the past few years I couldn’t take my kids home on holiday as he wouldn’t give permission.
My family flew in regularly to see us.
The other day he told me I can now leave New Zealand with the kids as long as I promise never to return.
He has a new job and I know we must be an embarrassment to him so out of sight we must go.
Of course I agreed.
My concern is he will change his mind at the last moment before we fly out.
What should I do?

Aunty S responds

Considering his new position I doubt he will change his mind but you need to get out of the country quickly so contact your Lawyer and he will ensure your ex signs the appropriate papers.
Then book your flights and get the ‘hell’ out of New Zealand my dear.
Enjoy the rest of your life back in your country with the love and support of your family embracing you forever.

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gossip-dies-when-it-hits-a-wise-persons-ears-18765732

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My daughter-in-law is a changed woman since she had her first child.
She wasn’t too happy throughout the pregnancy but we assumed she would come right when the baby was born. The pregnancy wasn’t planned.
We were wrong.
She hates motherhood, she went back to work four weeks after the birth and I took over caring for my grandchild during the day.
My son picks his child up at night and also the evening meal which I prepare for them.
She is not depressed or sad, she just hates this ‘mother thing’ as she calls it.
She is in her thirties and has a high flying job.
She is actually a lovely woman and my son and her are a loving couple.
She has now asked me to take care of the baby full-time which I have readily agreed to but my son is worried we should give her more time to bond before taking this step.

Aunty S responds

Your son sounds like a fine man but going against his wife’s wishes could cause conflict so best to go along with her.
She is being totally honest which must be respected.
I know of many women who should never have had children.
Sadly it sounds like your daughter-in-law is in this category.
You are a kind, caring and non-judgemental woman and your love for your family is obvious.
Your son can still stop in to see his child after work and you may like to keep making their evening meal which shows your support for both of them.
You are all very fortunate to have each other.
Keep in the back of your mind when your grandchild is out of the baby/ toddler stage your daughter-in-law may find it easier to bond, I know of a case where the mother accepted the child fully when they turned school age.
I wish you the very best and know you will be adaptable to whatever happens.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I am sure my neighbour is pinching my veggies out of my garden.
My garden is huge as it is great therapy for me as I have been unwell.
I have three little jobs during the week and this is when the veggies are stolen.
What can I do to catch the culprit?

Aunt S responds

Go to your local Fishing and Hunting store which is not far from you and ask about a Trail camera suitable to catch this person out.
Hire a handyman to install it or a relative handy with a screw driver.
Easy to put up, I have put up a few myself.
Run it for a week and then check the footage.
If you have caught him on film, ring the Police and explain what has been  happened and how you have footage.
It’s an offence to steal but I am fairly sure he will be advised by the police to behave himself.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

We moved house recently and one neighbour has turned out to be nosy and abusive.
The other neighbours we can’t actually see because of a six foot fence but this man cut his side down to four feet before we moved in.
When my young children are playing in the backyard he is continually swearing at them to shut up and leans right over the fence scaring them.
I tried calmly talking to him but he just laughs in my face and says he will call the Police and say we are abusing him.
What can I do to stop him?

Aunty S responds:

An elderly bully is the worst kind as they usually have quite a record at destroying lives.
But this is 2019 and we have cameras of all sorts.
Install a Trail camera that records sound and run it for a few days. When you have continual footage showing him abusing the kids call the Police and explain what is happening.
I am sure the Police will have a word with him which should shut him down.
Don’t take the camera down just incase he keeps the abuse up.  A second visit from the Police will probably totally flabbergast him.
And show family and friends the footage.
Moral support is vital in cases like this.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My Partner has a ‘Man Cave’ and spends his evenings in it, only coming out when it’s time for bed.
This has been going on for over a year and I am sick of it.
He says I am whining and he will do what he likes.  I found the key to it by accident so I went for a look.
Porn movies and dozens of empty and full bottles of whiskey in a cupboard.
He has always been selfish but has gone too far this time.
I work longer hours than him for us to survive and I am livid he is wasting his money on whiskey.
No wonder he never has enough money to give me for the Mortgage.
If I am honest he has never been a father to our kids, weekends are his sports and the pub.
I have never moaned because I thought he needed this but now I look at our kids who have no respect for him and I haven’t actually seen them interact with him for over a year ever since he built his Man Cave.
How do I make him realise he is losing the kids before it’s too late?

Aunty S responds

He is a grown man my dear, it was his choice to build a “Man Cave’ to get away from you and the kids.
I think this speaks volumes.
If you confront him you must be emotionally prepared for anything.
From the added information you gave, you are doing a wonderful job of parenting and you have two well adjusted kids so well done.
The fact your kids are not upset that their father is distant is a good thing.
You can take a horse to water but you can’t make him drink so be prepared for a negative response when you talk to him.
He may surprise you and say “I agree honey, I need to make an effort”
Or he may just continue being a disinterested Dad.
Get back to me anytime my dear.
Keep being the best Mum in the World.

 

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My son is running around with an unruly lot of boys.
They started pinching from the local Dairy and the Policeman came around to the house to inform us.
He was very good to us but told us we should seperate him from the boys by sending him to another school.
My partner says he will grow out of it and we shouldn’t make a big thing of it.
He will be nine shortly.
What should I do?

Aunty S responds

Your partner sounds like a bit of a twit.
Your son is eight years old!
Of course you seperate him from these rough little hooligans.
Take the Policeman’s advice and move him to a new school.
I have emailed you the name of the school which would be ideal for him and is closer to your home.
Stand up for what is best for your child.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My mother-in-law has a great relationship with my sisters-in-law but not me.
She avoids me at family gatherings and is superficial when she talks to me.
I finally asked a sister-in-law why she won’t warm to me and she told me in strictest confidence how my mother-in-law  had never forgiven me for taking her son away from his previous fiancé and she still hopes they will get back together.
This is ridiculous as he dumped her when he caught her cheating and furthermore we didn’t know each other until six months later.
She is outright lying and I am so shocked and upset.
Should I tell my husband?

Aunty S responds

No I wouldn’t.
If she is cold and aloof when around you, your husband will catch on soon enough.
Just keep on being polite when in her presence and try not to be alone with her.
Many women have mother-in-laws from hell and they survive but survival depends on you outwitting her. Don’t let emotion rule.
I am sure she would love you to go running to your husband where she will deny being aloof and tearfully say you don’t like her blah blah blah.  Of course you can’t involve your sister-in-law.  That would be a betrayal of confidence.
If she doesn’t pull her head in, it’s far better for your son to see her in the act and trust me she will trip up.
Good luck my dear girl.

 

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My sister-in-law is a liar.
She recently told me how my husband says derogatory things about me when he visits his brother.
I believed her and confronted him and he denied it.
He insisted we visit his brother and wife immediately so we drove two hours when we got there she denied saying it to me.
But her husband, who I went to school with, hit the roof and told us how she is always lying so believed me.
Their marriage is now on the rocks and I feel guilty.

Aunty S responds

It is not your fault so there is no need to feel guilty.
Sadly you can never trust a liar and it sounds like your brother-in-law has dealt with quite a bit of drama throughout their short marriage.
She obviously needs professional help but in my experience liars never admit they have a problem.