sandra

A few photos of the garden over the last few days

 

 

 

 

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My adult son  arrived home recently after this virus caused him to become redundant and as he can’t afford his mortgage anymore, he has rented his house out so is now homeless.
He moved into the self-contained flat downstairs but insists on coming upstairs every night to watch TV with us.
My husband is happy to have him home as they go hunting together.
I am finding it a struggle to cope with his everyday presence as he hasn’t lived at home for nearly twenty years.
I miss my old life without him.
I really want him to go and have asked a friend if she could board him and she has agreed.
My husband is furious with me as he wants him to stay and has told me I should be the one to go.
I have never seen him so angry.
He simply will not see how this disruption is affecting me.
How can I make him see sense?

Aunty S responds

Wow…your son, like many thousands here and around the world, have had their lives turned upside down, the last thing he needs is to have a cold indifferent mother.
Where is your compassion my dear?
Yes he may stay a few months, so what, he is your son.
Through no fault of his own he is jobless, his profession being one of the hardest hit.
Think very carefully before you throw him out, as everything we do in life has consequences,  rejecting your son in his hour of need will obviously devastate him and will most certainly cause a rift between you and your husband.
Your husband has every right to insist on your son staying, as it’s his home too.
It really depends who yells the loudest as to who wins this war, and if you do win, you will probably lose my dear.
Have a long think before you do something you will regret.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

In three years I will be fifty and feel my life so far has been rather wasted.
A relative has offered to sell me his beach bach which is really a house and I have more than enough to buy it so I want to go for it.
My partner says he won’t move but is happy for me to buy it and he will visit me from time to time as the bach is only a thirty minute drive away and he can stay where he is as the rent is cheap.
Should I go for it or stay put?

Aunty S responds

Great pics of the beach bach, and in such a lovely setting.
Coincidently I have been to this beach many times so can imagine your joy at being given the opportunity to live there permanently.
Why not go for it….. live your dream.
All the best.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My parents are racist and disowned me when I married my Maori husband a few years ago. They flatly refused to come to our Wedding and now years later they have made contact and told me I can visit but on the condition I don’t  bring my husband or children.
My husband is very close to his family, they have made me so welcome so I have a huge family now.
My husband says he doesn’t mind not being given an invite and says if I want to go I should. He is the kindest man I know.
I really don’t want to reconnect with them but am I being selfish?
What would you do?

 

Aunty S responds

No my dear you are not being selfish and what a treasure you have in your husband.
How about sending a wee note to them, “Thanks for the invite but sadly must decline.  But should you in the future choose to invite all of my family we just may visit. Look forward to hearing from you”
This leaves the door open.
Keep me posted.

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Nuisance the wee dog

Shortly after the death of our cat, Lugs, last year in early October, a wee dog decided to mosey on up to our house to say “hello”.
This was her very first visit.

She wasn’t a complete stranger as she had spent the past few years visiting Ruby in the Orchard whilst she was thinning or pruning trees, during the months of Winter and Spring.
She rested against a hydralada wheel which made it difficult for Ruby when she had to move to the next tree. Often Ruby had to hop down off the hydralada to physically move the dog from the wheel.

Of course the wee dog would then wander up to the new position of the hydralada and slump down on the wheel. All rather comical but Ruby, who has the patience of a saint, thought it was no big deal.

 As this dog refused to listen to commands, trying to get her to go home was futile.
Sadly this silly little dog loved the road so if she wasn’t visiting Ruby there was every chance she would be on the road and the sound of the vehicles blaring their horns was always the indicator she was on the road.  So many near misses!
We named her Nuisance after her first visit to our home because that is what she became!

Lugs, our territorial cat would have given her the hiding of her life if she had the audacity to enter our home when she was alive.
Many a confident cat, found themselves limping out the gate licking their wounds after an encounter with her.
Furthermore Lugs had no fear of dogs, the bigger the better!  She even took on Pat the Pig Dog….the most kindest dog you could ever imagine. His crime being, sitting on the deck beside his owner.
I can still hear poor Pat yelping!

Nuisance’s first visit was most memorable.
She raced into our sunroom, leapt on the back of the couch directly behind a visitor who naturally assumed she was our dog.
She quickly leapt off, did a lap of the house and was gone.
I assumed this was a one off.
I was so wrong!

The next day she decided Ruby’s pet chook needed a scare so she jumped up and down on her cage, scaring the daylights out of her whilst barking uncontrollably.
I remembered at that precise moment a Policeman friend telling me many years prior, how he cured a nuisance neighbourhood dog of scaring his cats, a good squirt of the hose was all that was required. Of course this very day the hose wasn’t connected and I didn’t dare leave Dixie Chick’s side.
Eventually Nuisance gave up and disappeared.
But a few days later she was back.
It was raining heavily and this muddy dog leapt on my white duvet and velvet quilt.
What a mess!

Belle thought it was funny as Nuisance had leapt on her on the way to my room.  Her artwork was ruined but it didn’t worry her. It was Belle’s smile that made me laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation was and I didn’t mind chucking the bedding into the washing machine.   Worth it to see Belle have such another happy experience, as loosing Lugs was traumatising for me. 

The next day I was folding washing in the sunroom and she raced in, jumped up on the workstation in the kitchen, grabbed the chicken breast thawing under a piece of greaseproof paper and sped out the door.
By the time I got outside to tell her “not to come back” in obviously a polite way, she was well and truly gone, and so was Sam’s dinner!
A few days later, at 4am I found her asleep on the couch on the deck.
She wasn’t there when I closed the curtains at 11pm the previous night!
She looked up at me with a look of “what’s for breakfast?”.
This was probably the only time she listened to me as I yelled, “go home” into the calm of the morning.  She went rather hurriedly.
The neighbours farm dogs actually heard me shriek and started barking…….oops!!

Oh and did I mention when she leapt up onto the kitchen table and drank out of Belle’s cereal bowl….Oh my giddy Aunt….how did we survive this invasion!!
We endured many more fleeting daytime visits….Ruby, Belle and I…..never knew when she would pop in.

She was such a crazy dog with not an ounce of common sense.
One good thing came out of this saga…..Ruby was cured of ever wanting a wee dog as she was definitely leaning towards the idea before the arrival of Nuisance.

Nuisance finally left us alone early November, fairly sure she found another family to temporarily harass as for a couple of weeks after her departure we would hear her being called for, usually late afternoon and often well into the evening.
We always smiled as we knew that little Nuisance wasn’t our problem anymore.
But to be honest I did think it was a bit late for them to worry about their dog after it had wreaked havoc on our lives for many weeks.
Did they ever wonder where she was?

How very lucky they were to have her find us; animal lovers; and not folk who could have been less tolerant.
Her visits to Ruby in the Orchard are ongoing but that’s fine, as long as she never turns up here at the house again.
Just way too exhausting!
But then again if she needs a sanctuary again in life, we are probably the best place to choose as she will come to no harm.

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My life is so boring as I do the same thing every day and I need some excitement.
I have a sister in Sydney and she says come over and get a job working for her as she is recruiting new workers but now I am scared to make the change.
Help?

Aunty S responds

It’s just you on your lonesome so take a gamble.
You are restless my dear and sometimes a change is all that is required to recharge the batteries.
If you don’t like Sydney, you may very well come back with a more positive focus and you are in a very fortunate situation as your job and Flat will be waiting for you so tell your Mum not to rent it out, so pack your bags and hop on a plane and check out what your sister has to offer.
Good luck.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My mother in law is horrible to me but is nice when in front of my husband while talking to me.
I have never told my husband as he loves his Mum but now I am pregnant I feel the time is right to tell him.
What do you think?

Aunty S responds

Okay…. your mother-in-law doesn’t like you and is a bit of a witch.
My dear girl she wants you to tell her son so there will be a scene, she’ll burst into a flood of tears and your husband will be torn between the two of you and a long-running drama will commence.
Relatives will choose sides ….her cat will snub you…..
My darling girl, do nothing.
Some mother-in-laws are angels from heaven while some are witches from hell.
Some mellow as time goes by, while others sharpen their knives.
If she changes, how nice, if she doesn’t, don’t worry about it.
And remember you are not alone as there are many women out there with the same struggle.
Contact me anytime.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My sister is having a big white wedding paid for by our parents, they are so proud of her as this is her first marriage so are going all out.
It doesn’t matter she’s had four other long term relationships, apparently they don’t count as she never married any of them.
I am so angry and upset as they never offered to pay for my second marriage. \
My first husband cheated and broke the heart of myself and our children but we now have a wonderful man in our lives who they will not accept as family as he only my second husband.
How do I get over this feeling of anger?

Aunty S responds 

My darling girl you have every right to feel angry but I think you probably feel more sad than angry.
Some parents are either silly, wicked or both for playing favourites.
You have found joy and happiness in life, something some folk never find.
The fact they don’t accept your second husband is disgraceful so if it was me I would pull up lame on the morning of the Wedding with a phone call to the folks stating you have all come down with a vomiting bug and obviously have to give the wedding a miss.  “So sorry”
Pack a picnic lunch and head off to the beach for the day.
Keep enjoying that lovely family of yours.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

After years of coping with my daughter’s erratic behaviour, she has finally been diagnosed with a serious mental disorder but now won’t keep on her medication because she misses her former self.
She is manipulative and has played the victim card all of her life and now she is telling everyone that I lied to the psychiatrist and he believed me, this is why she got the diagnosis.
I was not even at the appointment yet people believe her even her own Grandmother, my mother, this is how convincing she is!
She has stolen from us since she was very young and now she is in the workforce  I was told she has been accused of stealing but her employer couldn’t prove it.
I am worried what will happen if she loses her job?
Recently her Grandmother asked her to move in with her but I am discouraging it as she might wear her out as she is in her late fifties.
What should I do?

Aunty S responds:

She refuses to take her medication and is a liar, what a dangerous combination!
You need a break from all this drama my dear so help pack her bags and move her in with Grandma.
If it turns to custard, so be it, at least your mother will see your daughter is mentally unwell which will help you in the long run as she will be supportive while you work on Plan B to keep your daughter safe and well.
It may be a long journey as you well and truly recognize.
Life can be so unfair at times.
Just take each day as it comes.
Take good care of yourself and keep in contact.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I have never felt the need to drink alcohol as I enjoy the company of others as socialising is my thing but I have a problem with those who try to push alcohol on me.
Some comments are really cruel.
“Party pooper’ or ‘stick in the mud” or “won’t your mummy let you drink” Or the one that really hurts, “So this is why your husband left you?”
What can I say to shut people up as I really could become anti-social which would make me sad.

Aunty S responds

Okay what works for me is probably a bit over the top but it does the trick!
In a deadpan voice say, “I have an allergy to alcohol, it causes me to vomit uncontrollably and once my bowels start, look out”
Trust me you will never be offered another drink, asked why you don’t drink or ever have anyone force a drink on you ever again.
Tried and true……

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