Ask Aunty S

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Dear Aunty S

I can no longer afford the rates on my home so I am selling my home of forty years to move live close to my sister  and her family. 
They know I have been lonely for many years and have shown me such kindness and are looking forward to my arrival.
Working and then living on a single pension and keeping up the rates, insurance and maintenance on my large home saw me dipping into my savings which now is all gone.
I have been trapped in this house with no luxuries as my husband promised our children that I would stay in it until my death and then they would all receive a large inheritance.
I will be able to buy a house and a car, travel to England for a holiday with my sister and have more than enough for emergencies.
I am excited but there is one problem, my children say I am being selfish as I will be wasting their inheritance.
They are angry with me and won’t speak to me.
They even had the cheek to say I should sell the house and give them their share now. I asked where I would go and they said I could rent a pensioner flat.
I am sixty-eight, in good health and want to sell up for a new life,  but am I being selfish?

Aunt S responds

Of course you are not being selfish my darling girl.
Living frugally all these years must have been a harrowing  experience so you deserve all the happiness in the world.
Enjoy your new life with your other family…you are very fortunate indeed to have them as many folk are alone in this world.
Try very hard not to let your adult children’s behaviour drag you down emotionally.
Their behaviour is deplorable, they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves!
Just keep smiling and enjoy yourself and I am fairly sure the financial freedom you will experience once your house sells will keep a smile on your face for a very long time.
Only a click away.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My daughter in law is a useless cook and my son is losing weight and looks miserable.
She gets home from work before him yet she only starts cooking when he walks in the door so I think he should stop in at my place for a meal each night.

Aunty S responds

Why not make a meal for both of them and he can pick them up on his way home?
Or pop them in their fridge so they can reheat them when they get home?
And how about offering to teach them both to cook so when your future grandchildren come along they won’t starve to death.
Over and out.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I have never seen my grandchildren.
I assisted my daughter financially in the hope that she would let me see my grandchildren but to no avail.
She became a solo mother in her late twenties and her father and I started giving her money after she refused our offer of her coming home to live in our basement flat which we rent out.
We told her the flat would be rent free  and we would pay the telephone and power.
She declined our offer and then we found out she had told her friends that we had insisted she have an abortion which was a lie.
Then she met her husband and kept the lie going so when they had children he backed her in not allowing the children any contact with us.
Our sons have nothing to do with her as she created havoc throughout their childhood.
My husband is more heartbroken than I am over our lost grandchildren and now he is dying I feel I should make contact again for his sake and basically beg her to show some decency toward him as he desperately wants to meet his grandchildren.
I know it will be futile but should I at least try?

Aunty S responds

Dreadful things happen to good people my dear and I feel very strongly that making contact again would only distress you further which in turn would distress your husband even more.
Your daughter is caught up in a lie. She cannot afford her husband and children to find out the truth…..even if you promised her you wouldn’t mention the ‘abortion lie’ she would be frantic she would be found out.
Sadly there are many grandparents and parents in your position.
Treasure the last moments you have with your dear husband and be thankful you have great sons.
I am only a click away.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

When I go out at night my husband angrily refuses to look after the kids so I get my friend to babysit them in our house.
He always says he is not a babysitter.
Our kids are four and seven.
My friend thinks he is cruel as he won’t interact the kids,  he sits on his computer playing games all night.
He goes to the gym four nights a week so I feel I should be allowed to go out once a week for a couple of hours.
What do you think?

Aunty S responds

When a mother cares for her children it is called parenting.
When a father cares for his children it is  called parenting.
Babysitting is when an outside party comes into your home to care for the children.
As he is a disinterested father you are doing the right thing by having a trusted friend babysit them.
They are safe in her care my dear so keep with the status quo.
You look after yourself and keep being a good responsible mother.

 

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I have a wonderful daughter in law and a useless son.
He divorced her when the kids were little as he couldn’t stand being tied down.
He has never visited them or asked after them.
My daughter in law has a male friend and he is so kind to her and the kids.
She recently told my daughter in confidence that he wants to marry her but she will not marry him or live with him as she is scared I will be angry with her and walk out of their lives.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
How do I tell her I would be overjoyed if she marries this man without betraying my daughter?

Aunty S responds

Take her out to lunch and out of the blue tell her how happy you are that she has found such a great man and how you will be even happier if they marry.
Try to look a little surprised when she says he has already asked her and then follow on with saying how she deserves all the happiness in the world, etc.
You are a treasure my dear.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My brother’s wife is having an affair and he is unaware.

He works away to make money for a house deposit, she only goes home when he arrives home for the weekend, her boyfriend has already left his wife and rents an apartment where they live during the week.

I asked her why she is doing this and she said it was none of my business so do I tell him or do I let him find out the hard way?

I am so distressed by all this as I know my brother will be devastated as he really loves her.

Aunty S responds

Of course it’s your business, he is your brother!

Tell him now as there is no time to waste.

Of course he will be heartbroken but if he finds out further down the track that you were aware and didn’t tell him…..how betrayed he will feel…

Trust me I have seen far too many folk  sit on the fence in similar situations with shattering consequences. 

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Joys of the Common Cold

Well here we are ..the time of the year when the common cold virus is prevalent.
Even though the common cold is a dreadful virus it far better to endure than influenza.
A couple of weeks ago this dreaded common cold attacked Sam and then last Friday I succumbed.
I couldn’t lift my  head of the pillow for two days and now l resemble a hunter who has been beaten up by a bear.
I look dreadful, so dreadful.
I was forced to hang towels over all the mirrors in our home as I was starting to scare myself.

I struggled out yesterday to get some Panadeine as this is the only medication that works for me and a few essential groceries.
The only painkillers in the house were paracetamol which works for the rest of my family when on death’s door but not me.
As I struggled through Super Value, horribly embarrassed at being there, as the staff must want to throttle people like me, spreading their germs to all and sundry.
I mumbled I was a bit crook and sped like a lunatic around the shop so was out in a few minutes.
I nearly forgot Dave’s booze as he was delivering some last minute Granny Smith orders for us.
The orders came through just before we closed for the Season and they were quite happy to wait for Dave to deliver them as he comes through to Central once a month.
He gets booze this end for his trouble and cakes at the other end.
A very happy man.

I collapsed in bed when I got home.
Sam gently scolded me when he discovered I had been shopping as he had strictly told me in the morning that he would get anything I needed.
Such a good son.

It struck Ruby yesterday and today she looks like she has been beaten up by my bear but after some paracetamol she says she is ready for work albeit slowly.    Belle hasn’t succumbed yet and hopefully she won’t.
She has an amazing immune system……my dear gorgeous little Belle.
On a brighter note, whilst in bed last night, the phone went and on the end of the line was a dear old family friend.
He was having a boring night as there was nothing to watch on TV so thought a yarn with his old mate Sandra was just what the Doctor ordered.

After realising I was at death’s door, he went on to tell me, whiskey is the elixir of life and is maliciously misrepresented as it saves lives when the common cold or influenza strikes so how could it be evil!
I have heard this story hundreds of times with  a little bit more information added on each time yet I still smile at his quick wit.
Once he realised I didn’t have long for this world, he offered to drive up with a bottle.
I declined his gracious offer.
He then admitted that he may have drunk a wee bit too much for him to get behind the wheel of his car BUT could courier me up a  bottle or two the next day.
I again declined.

At sixty-three I feel I may be a bit too old to take up the joyful art of drinking booze.
But then again he is well in his eighties so he just may be drinking a longevity liquid.
I bought him a breathalyser for his last birthday which he loves.
Not that he has ever driven drunk, he would never dream of it as this is one subject that gets him angry.
He shops once every few weeks and when he decides the day, he stops drinking at 5pm the night before and only starts the car up at 2pm.
This dear man does no harm to anyone; is kind, funny, thoughtful, lonely at times, highly intelligent, doesn’t suffer fools gladly, non-judgemental, grows wonderful veggies,  and I am proud to call him my friend.

Sadly there are those who call him “the old drunk”.

Shame on them.

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Time for a Laugh

Okay… we all need a laugh or inspiration….

 

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Ask Aunty S

Dear Aunty S

My four year old daughter doesn’t talk, wets her pants and the bed, is very nervous.
Up until two weeks ago she was cared for in our home by a close friend who is experienced in childcare.
As we work long hours we thought it best to have in-house childcare and our close friend applied for the job.
I arranged for our daughter to be tested by a Specialist and he found nothing wrong with her which seemed strange so we set up a spy camera in our house never expecting on seeing anything amiss.
After the first day of surveillance, we sacked our friend as all we saw was her being on the phone all day or playing games on it. She constantly told our daughter to “shut up and watch TV” and when it came to snacks and lunch, she threw the food at her. She never once spoke to her. She invited her friends over during that one day and their kids treated our daughter appallingly.  She was cowering in the corner, as she was so frightened.  I still cry thinking about it.
I have quit my job and am trying to repair the damage done to her.
The guilt we feel is horrendous.
How do I build up her shattered confidence as I am struggling with what to do?

Aunty S responds

You extracted your daughter from the care of this vile woman the minute you found out what she was up to so to me you are a wonderful compassionate mother.
As you live in close proximity to a huge park and the beach, buy an age appropriate Bird Identification book and a pair of child binoculars and go  bird-watching.

Collect shells, build sand castles, swim, laugh, have picnic lunches.
Go shopping together.
Interact with her on a continual basis.
Tell her she is a wonderful daughter and how much you love her.
Talk about your ex-friend. Ask her how she feels about her now.  Is she frightened of her?
If she is, tell her she never has to see her again.

Validate how she feels….she has every right to be angry, hurt, sad, worried, frightened.
Make her feel special….buy a kids joke book and tell jokes…sing together.

Don’t force other kids on her…she needs to have her confidence built up first before she can feel comfortable with others.
Embrace everyday with a passion.
Talk and read to her on a continuous basis.

She has been conditioned to watching TV alone so make sure this never happens again. Always sit down and watch it together. It will be a great opportunity to bond.
Read age appropriate books to her off and on during the day…..make the books come alive with wit and laughter, and read to her overnight before she nods off.
As your husband enjoys fishing, buy a rod for you and your daughter as well and make fishing a family outing whenever possible.

Don’t worry; her confidence will be built up by the time she goes to school.

I am only a click away.

Garden photos – Spring of 2017

During the winter months I had grandiose plans of completing many of my unfinished projects which included the pile of decoupage artwork sitting on my desk gathering dust, editing hundreds of Aunty S letters for public posting, and of course writing my blog, which had to be put on the back burner due to other commitments.

Life just got in the way!
Anyhow I am back and here are some photos of my garden taken taken over the past couple of months.
We live in paradise here on the Orchard. Some folk love an ocean or lake view from their home…..not us……it’s all about a having a home in a garden setting.
And by the way I enjoy receiving my Aunty S correspondence and even though I have been negligent in editing and posting online, I have and always will reply personally.
Editing ensures your privacy is kept intact.

 

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