Ask Aunty S

Ask Aunty S

Dear Aunty S

My friends and I are going to a Male Strip show next week and my husband is being nasty about it. He says our boys will be embarrassed if their friends find out.

It’s just a bit of fun.

What do you think?

 

Aunty S responds

If you are quite happy to wave goodbye to your husband if he decides to go out with the boys to a Strip Club, I don’t think there is anything wrong with your decision.

Your kids will recover from the embarrassment should their friends find out.

Thirty-five years ago a friend of mine was photographed whilst standing in a line waiting for the doors to open to a similar show. The photo was placed on the front page of our local Paper much to the embarrassment of her sons. Her husband laughed and thought it a great joke. As her sons were of a similar age to the strippers, they struggled to understand how their Mother would find boys of their age taking their clothes as entertaining.

It’s a different world now; anything and everything is acceptable so maybe your boys will be fine with it but I think you should ask them how they feel first.

My old friend wishes she had.

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Ask Aunty S

Dear Aunty S

My mother in law still bakes for my husband and brings it all over twice a week; she even makes his favorite meat pie and then stays to have coffee with him.
It is time she let go of him as he is twenty-five.
Thankfully I work in the city so I don’t have to tolerate her.
How do I tell her to back off?

Aunty S responds

Is your husband complaining about his Mother to you?
Is your husband unhappy about accepting her baking and having coffee with his Mother twice a week?
Get back to me with both answers and then I‘ll respond.
Over and out.

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Old Age Rant

Oh my giddy Aunt……I have liver spots on my hands and arms.
Apparently nothing to do with the liver; it’s all to do with old age.
Sixty-one is just around the corner so of course I am old so why should I miss the glory of liver spots.
I remember a dear old friend who would have been a whole fifty-five at the time, telling me how she hated her brown spots and how she was using peroxide to fade them!!
What a drastic solution I thought at the time.
I should have told her how they looked fine but I didn’t because I was taken aback but in my defence, I was young and oblivious to how sad she must have felt at the prospect of growing old alone because at that point in my life I had absolutely no knowledge as to how sad widowhood could be.
I embrace my liver spots, my sagging middle, my padded back brace; which keeps me upright, and all the other body bits that are being affected by old age.
Each and every morning I look in the mirror and still recognize it’s me in this aging body which is differing from week to week.
How lucky I am to still be on Planet Earth and how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

A few months ago my husband and I made the decision to care for my elderly mother who is mentally alert but very feeble so cannot live alone anymore and she will be moving in shortly.
Our adult son opposes our decision and has made it clear he will not visit us when she arrives. He has never liked the elderly and stopped visiting his Grandmother when he left school.
Are we being selfish?
What do you think?

 

Aunty S responds

Absolutely nothing to do with your adult child my dear.
Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated by him.
Enjoy your time with your Mum and if your son visits, well that’s nice; if he doesn’t, his loss.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

My daughter in law has been diagnosed with an illness, which means she will be in a wheelchair in a year or two.
My son is young and only married her when she got pregnant so he thinks it’s best if the marriage ends now as he doesn’t love her enough to cope with her illness.   He has told her to go but she won’t. The kids are young so they will not miss my son.
I have told her she is being selfish but she refuses to listen and says if he wants to go, he can but she is not leaving.
How do I make her realize my son doesn’t want her?

 

Aunty S responds

What!!!
Why should your daughter-in-law leave her home??
If your son wants the single life he should be the one to leave.
What a callous young man you have raised; I’m sure you must feel such parental pride every time you gaze into his eyes.
Your daughter-in-law hasn’t been given a death sentence so what is all the drama about?  Isn’t it just an excuse for your son to get rid of her.
Take a deep breathe before you say another unkind word to your daughter-in-law.
Over and out.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S 

My fit and healthy husband was struck down by a stroke a year ago and our life is boring now as he spends all his time in his shed working on the work bench as he can’t walk far and is on sticks.
We have always had a rocky marriage and we grew further apart when the children left home years ago but now it’s unbearable living with him.
I will sign the house over to him when I leave as we have enough savings for me to buy another home.
My son works in a local town and says he will move back in with his father so he has company. They have a great relationship and have always spent every weekend together.
Am I being selfish?

 

Aunty S responds

You are being honest my dear.

You have thought it through and the fact you will sign the house over to him with no legal drama involved, shows you are a decent woman.
As you’ve made your mind up, sit down as soon as possible and tell him how you feel and what you want.
Obviously it won’t be an easy conversation so if he gets upset or angry, don’t retaliate with unkind words, as your husband has been through enough already.
Ensure your son is home when this all goes down as your husband will need the comfort, support and love from your son.
Good luck with your new life.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My daughter’s husband left her for another woman, devastating her and the children. He bought her out so he could move his girlfriend and her kids into the house.

We bought her a house putting it in her name and now we have found out that the man she fell for a few weeks ago is telling everybody at his work that he will get half the house as long as he does the time.   He has no idea one of the people he is bragging to is a trusted distant relative of ours.

Her best friend also found out recently and wants us all to tell her together.

Is this wise or should my husband and I tell her alone?

 

Aunty S responds

Don’t delay, pick up her best friend, chocolates, wine, a huge teddy bear and a big bunch of flowers and tell her tonight and then help her pack his clothes and belongings and place them outside the front door.

She is very lucky to have wonderful parents and a true best friend.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My brother in law and I are in love and we intend to move to Australia to start a new life.

He is leaving his kids with his wife but we are keeping mine.

My husband says he will stop us from taking the kids out of the country and now they are saying they don’t want to go and want to live with him permanent.

My partner says he will go ahead of time as he needs to find a job but I don’t want him to go without us.

What should I do?

 

Aunty S responds

Why not leave the kids with your husband; go off with your boyfriend and see how it works out.

Your children are old enough to know what they want and it appears they don’t want to leave their Dad.

Over and out.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My father is heartbroken as he intended to leave the family home to my brother and had a Will made up over thirty years ago stating this but now his Lawyer has told him that legally he cannot favour one child as the others will have a legal right to break the Will and says he should make a new Will.

His father left my father in his Will and even though there were seven in the family; nobody was upset by the decision.

All my siblings are wealthy in their own right; all greatly assisted by my parents throughout the years so they want for nothing.

What should my father do as he is very upset by the harshness of his Lawyer who just happens to be the Lawyer for two of my siblings so surely there is a conflict of interest and I believe he should have pointed my Father in another lawyer’s direction?

 

Aunty S responds

 

An Estate only kicks in when one dies.

Quite simply, your father can do what he likes with his property and money up until his death.

Thank goodness he has a sensible daughter; trust me my dear I will put you on the right track so you can help your father achieve what he wants to happen when he dies.

 

First off, go back to the Family Lawyer or find a new one who will listen, and ‘Instruct’ said Lawyer to put the house into Joint Tenancy Ownership with your brother and father as owners.  There is not too much paperwork involved.

A Joint Tenancy will see the property; when your father dies, transfer to your brother. The house will not be part of your father’s Estate so your siblings have no legal claim on it.

This is the only viable solution to your father’s dilemma.

There are two main types of ownership:

Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common.

Do not allow the Lawyer to convince your father to put the house into Tenants in Common as your father’s interest in the property would then be included in his Estate and your brother would end up being a co-owner instead of owning it outright which defeats the purpose of what your father wants to happen.

Hence the incorrect ownership structure of a property can have serious consequences.

Contact me if you need more info.

Note: I am referring to New Zealand Law.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I gave up work when my son was born but I really hate being home alone with my baby. I’m definitely not depressed, just lonely.

I tried going to a mother’s group but I was shocked by the immaturity of these silly little girls.

My husband says I should stay at home until our baby is at least three. I am starting to look at him different even though he is a wonderful husband and I really love him but he can’t see what the loneliness is doing to me.

I want to go back to work as I miss my job, which had been my life for ten years.

A really great daycare had been recommended and they can take my baby immediately.

Am I being selfish?

 

Aunty S responds

Oh my darling girl, you are not being selfish.

You are a brave wonderful young Mum with real feelings of anguish, which I understand.

Ring your Employer and tell him/her you can start immediately.

Ring the Daycare and book your darling baby in.

It is your call whether you go back to work not your husband’s. Don’t lose your identity.

Your husband is a good man; just a wee bit immature/naïve/silly/being a plonker/you love him/forgive his ignorance/love him to bits ……

Many women can’t face the loneliness of caring for a new baby.

In the old days mothers or kind mother-in-laws were there to offer support.

Those days are well and truly over as these older women are busy with their jobs/careers.

Mumsy groups have their place but they can suck the life out of you.
Personally I would rather burn holes in my toenails with a naked flame than attend one.

Remember always, your mental well-being is paramount.

You are not going down the depression black hole on my watch my dear.

Get to work!!

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