Ask Aunty S

Ask Aunty S

Dear Aunty S

My four year old daughter doesn’t talk, wets her pants and the bed, is very nervous.
Up until two weeks ago she was cared for in our home by a close friend who is experienced in childcare.
As we work long hours we thought it best to have in-house childcare and our close friend applied for the job.
I arranged for our daughter to be tested by a Specialist and he found nothing wrong with her which seemed strange so we set up a spy camera in our house never expecting on seeing anything amiss.
After the first day of surveillance, we sacked our friend as all we saw was her being on the phone all day or playing games on it. She constantly told our daughter to “shut up and watch TV” and when it came to snacks and lunch, she threw the food at her. She never once spoke to her. She invited her friends over during that one day and their kids treated our daughter appallingly.  She was cowering in the corner, as she was so frightened.  I still cry thinking about it.
I have quit my job and am trying to repair the damage done to her.
The guilt we feel is horrendous.
How do I build up her shattered confidence as I am struggling with what to do?

Aunty S responds

You extracted your daughter from the care of this vile woman the minute you found out what she was up to so to me you are a wonderful compassionate mother.
As you live in close proximity to a huge park and the beach, buy an age appropriate Bird Identification book and a pair of child binoculars and go  bird-watching.

Collect shells, build sand castles, swim, laugh, have picnic lunches.
Go shopping together.
Interact with her on a continual basis.
Tell her she is a wonderful daughter and how much you love her.
Talk about your ex-friend. Ask her how she feels about her now.  Is she frightened of her?
If she is, tell her she never has to see her again.

Validate how she feels….she has every right to be angry, hurt, sad, worried, frightened.
Make her feel special….buy a kids joke book and tell jokes…sing together.

Don’t force other kids on her…she needs to have her confidence built up first before she can feel comfortable with others.
Embrace everyday with a passion.
Talk and read to her on a continuous basis.

She has been conditioned to watching TV alone so make sure this never happens again. Always sit down and watch it together. It will be a great opportunity to bond.
Read age appropriate books to her off and on during the day…..make the books come alive with wit and laughter, and read to her overnight before she nods off.
As your husband enjoys fishing, buy a rod for you and your daughter as well and make fishing a family outing whenever possible.

Don’t worry; her confidence will be built up by the time she goes to school.

I am only a click away.

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My flatmate is a slob and I want him to move out but his name is on the lease with mine so I am stuck with him for the next two years.
How do I make him clean up after himself?
Help?

Aunty S responds

You both have well paying jobs so the answer is easy.
Hire a cleaner to come in on Mondays and Fridays.
There is plenty to select from in your area so start dialling.

 

Dear Aunty S

I was a widow for a couple of years and remarried a few months ago but  am desperately unhappy.
Loneliness was the reason I chose this man as he was so attentive and kind but it was an act as he is vulgar and lazy.
I moved into his house and he has been putting pressure on me to sell mine and do his up.
He yells at me all the time, criticises my cooking and is just horrible.
He says he will go for half my house and money if I leave.
His house isn’t worth much so I know he will want half my money and house.
We are already sleeping apart and all I want to do is go home but my son says I’ll embarrass myself if I don’t give this marriage a go.
My daughters want me to leave and will help me do so.
I never rented my house so I can walk back in.
I left a beautiful home and gardens and I miss them so much.
I feel like such an old fool.
What do you think I should do?

Aunty S responds

Don’t stay another minute my darling.
Ring your girls and get out of there as soon as you can. You haver been married for five minutes so he has no legal claim on your house or money.
This sounds like a bullying tactic to make you stay.
A letter from your Lawyer will put paid to this nonsense.
Hold your head up high and don’t look back.
Your son is being a silly boy but  I am sure he will calm down in time.
Time for you to take charge of your life.
Join a club or a group in your town,  I checked them out and have sent you a list.
Hire a local gardener to tidy up your garden and get your life back to how it used to be.
Keep in touch.

 

Dear Aunty S

My son’s wife doesn’t bake and hardly ever cooks a meal.  She hints that she’d like me to do it as I live next door.   I ignore the hints.
My son works hard and ends up having to cook at night most nights.
How do I make him realise she is just being lazy as she has a job which isn’t that physical.
My son misses my baking and meals so I am worried about him.

Aunty S responds

Why don’t you take her up on her hints and bake for them and how about making meals for them as well.
You could make a one dish meal which could be reheated or make a meat and veggie option which could be plated up and frozen if need be or popped in their fridge for reheating when they get home.
A friend of mine does this for her son and daughter-in-law as they both work.
She is paid enough to cover the groceries and power and thoroughly enjoys helping her boy.
A lot of folk don’t like baking and cooking, I have found  a lot of the time it has nothing to do with being lazy.
Your daughter-in-law will be the mother of your future grandchildren so this gesture may help build a strong bond between you.

 

Dear Aunty S

My new boyfriend’s sister doesn’t like me and only invites my boyfriend to her parties.
He always insists on taking me which annoys her as she never speaks to me.
He is oblivious to all this.
Should I tell him?

Aunty S responds

I wouldn’t mention it my dear.
His sister is either a control freak or a sister who knows her brother has been hurt before so is not warming to you until she sees you are worthy of him.
Once she sees you are definitely making him happy she will probably warm to you.
Give it a month and if this hasn’t happened, write in again and I’ll give you Plan B.

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askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

There is a growing attraction between the husband of a friend of mine and me.
I know he is as miserable as I am and as our children have all left home it won’t be that messy if we get together.
Do you think I should make the first approach?

 

Aunty S responds

No.
Over and out.

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askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

My wife refuses to learn to drive. I have always known this but thought she would eventually give in.
I told her she was being childish and now she is distant towards me.
I don’t know whether she is depressed or just giving me the cold shoulder hoping I will back down which I won’t.

 

Aunty S responds

You are bullying your wife you silly boy; if you want to save your marriage you better back down fast and grovel big time.
She told you she was never going to drive so what really is the big deal? Or are you a manipulative control freak?
She is either sad, angry, shocked, confused or all of the above as she clearly has not seen this side of you before.
Think about what I’ve written.

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askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My daughter used to be a healthy weight but after a few unfortunate relationships and a few kids she has taken to living on coffee, coke, chocolate and potato crisps to control her weight so her health has crashed.
She gets the shakes, muscle spasms and head aches and can’t function at work and recently lost her job after her long suffering employer couldn’t cope with her ‘illness’ any longer.
Recently she sent the kids to live with their respective fathers because she can’t cope with them.
I am fed up with all the Doctors she has seen because not one of them has asked about her diet.
She is self-destructing before my eyes and won’t listen to me so how can I help her?

 

Aunty S responds

Your daughter is unwell and needs professional help but until she comes clean with her Doctor, she won’t be referred to the correct Specialist.
I have sent you an email with more detail.
We will sort this out my dear and remember I am only a click away.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

My daughter in law feeds one of her children certain foods even though she knows they trigger an asthma attack.
I believe she does it to bring attention to herself as she dramatically rushes the child to the Hospital –phoning a neighbor to mind the other children, organizing friends to go to the Hospital to support her and then posts it on Facebook so as to gain sympathy.
I have told her what she is doing is dangerous but she always responds with, “my children, my business.”

She explains it away to my son by saying that having an asthma attack and a bit of time on the ventilator is worth it as their child loves these foods and feels upset when excluded from them all the time.
He has told her over and over again to stop but she won’t.
Much to my horror the Hospital has never asked why the attacks are happening even though it is documented that certain foods trigger them.
What can I do to help my grandchild?

 

Aunty S responds 

It is time for your son to put his big boy pants on and stand up to her but first he must make an appointment with the Family Doctor to give him the heads up as to what is going on.
There is no time to waste my dear.

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askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

For over thirty years I have been married to a sarcastic, moody man and lately his moods are becoming worse.                                    He told me yesterday he wants out.
I have always wanted out but stayed out of habit and now at my age I won’t be able to afford to pay the rent on just a single pension.
I am wondering if he has the start of Alzheimer’s; a friend says this was the first sign of dementia in her father.
My son wants me to go and live on his farm as he has a spare house, which he will furnish for me. He says all I need to bring is my clothes. The problem is how do I leave my husband if he has dementia?

 

Aunty S responds

As his behavior isn’t really out of character I doubt very much he has dementia.
If you want to stay then stay but it does sound like your husband is going to leave so maybe you should take up your son’s kind offer.
You are very fortunate my dear to have such a fine son.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My eighty something year old father has bought himself a new car which is far too big for him to drive safely and now my mother is too frightened to go anywhere with him as he has already dented it a few times from minor mishaps. The Panel beater told me he shouldn’t be driving at all as he bumped into another car when he took it into his shop.

He was diagnosed with early dementia a few months ago.

I am frustrated as I am the only family member who can assist. He has told me he will go to his Lawyer and withdraw the Power of Attorney he gave me if I stick my nose in.

What do I do?

 

Aunty S responds

I am of the opinion that anyone diagnosed with dementia must stop driving.

Even though we have all this patient confidentiality nonsense these days, please talk to your father’s Doctor and tell him of your father’s purchase and the minor mishaps that have occurred so far. Also talk to your fathers Lawyer and tell him of your father’s irrational behaviour and how he has threatened to cancel the Power Of Attorney.

I am only a click away so you are not alone my dear.

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askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

My children won’t accept my boyfriend so will not be coming home for Xmas nor will my sisters be visiting on the day.

My boyfriend is a widower with no children whom I have known for many years.

It’s ten years since their father died so I feel they are being unreasonable as I have never looked at another man until now.

What do you think?

 

Aunty S responds

Your children and sisters are being silly and cruel and need to grow up.
They may come round in time; the best thing you can do is try not to worry about their rejection hence don’t sit at home on Xmas day, pack a picnic hamper and head off to his beach bach.
Enjoy your life my darling.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S 

My husband wants our eldest son to take over the family farm but he insists he doesn’t want a farming career.

Now my husband wants to pay for him to have a work free OE with the hope he will come home and settle down.

My son doesn’t want to go and is getting fed up with my husbands attempts as he just wants a simple life growing vegetables for a Farmers Market in an off grid house which he intends to build himself.

Our younger son would like to take over the farm so it would stay in the family but my husband disagrees.
He isn’t hurt by his older brother being the preferred one, as he is easy going.

How do I make my husband see sense?

 

Aunty S responds

You have a very stubborn husband my dear but all is not lost.
The solution is simple.
Your son must sit down with his Dad and in a kind loving way explain that nothing will make him change his mind; he doesn’t want to be a Farmer so his generous offer of an OE trip would be a total waste of money and assure him of how happy he is that his younger brother wants to take over the farm.
Sadly a lot of old fashioned views still rear their ugly head from time to time.
You are so fortunate to have such sensible sons, probably a lot to do with how they were brought up.

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