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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My life is so boring as I do the same thing every day and I need some excitement.
I have a sister in Sydney and she says come over and get a job working for her as she is recruiting new workers but now I am scared to make the change.
Help?

Aunty S responds

It’s just you on your lonesome so take a gamble.
You are restless my dear and sometimes a change is all that is required to recharge the batteries.
If you don’t like Sydney, you may very well come back with a more positive focus and you are in a very fortunate situation as your job and Flat will be waiting for you so tell your Mum not to rent it out, so pack your bags and hop on a plane and check out what your sister has to offer.
Good luck.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My sister is having a big white wedding paid for by our parents, they are so proud of her as this is her first marriage so are going all out.
It doesn’t matter she’s had four other long term relationships, apparently they don’t count as she never married any of them.
I am so angry and upset as they never offered to pay for my second marriage. \
My first husband cheated and broke the heart of myself and our children but we now have a wonderful man in our lives who they will not accept as family as he only my second husband.
How do I get over this feeling of anger?

Aunty S responds 

My darling girl you have every right to feel angry but I think you probably feel more sad than angry.
Some parents are either silly, wicked or both for playing favourites.
You have found joy and happiness in life, something some folk never find.
The fact they don’t accept your second husband is disgraceful so if it was me I would pull up lame on the morning of the Wedding with a phone call to the folks stating you have all come down with a vomiting bug and obviously have to give the wedding a miss.  “So sorry”
Pack a picnic lunch and head off to the beach for the day.
Keep enjoying that lovely family of yours.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I have never felt the need to drink alcohol as I enjoy the company of others as socialising is my thing but I have a problem with those who try to push alcohol on me.
Some comments are really cruel.
“Party pooper’ or ‘stick in the mud” or “won’t your mummy let you drink” Or the one that really hurts, “So this is why your husband left you?”
What can I say to shut people up as I really could become anti-social which would make me sad.

Aunty S responds

Okay what works for me is probably a bit over the top but it does the trick!
In a deadpan voice say, “I have an allergy to alcohol, it causes me to vomit uncontrollably and once my bowels start, look out”
Trust me you will never be offered another drink, asked why you don’t drink or ever have anyone force a drink on you ever again.
Tried and true……

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My husband ran off with my best friend and set up house with her in our same city a few years ago.
He refused to see our kids which broke their hearts.
He also refused to give me permission to take our kids home to Australia as I am Australian but I had them all in New Zealand even though we lived in Australia.
For the past few years I couldn’t take my kids home on holiday as he wouldn’t give permission.
My family flew in regularly to see us.
The other day he told me I can now leave New Zealand with the kids as long as I promise never to return.
He has a new job and I know we must be an embarrassment to him so out of sight we must go.
Of course I agreed.
My concern is he will change his mind at the last moment before we fly out.
What should I do?

Aunty S responds

Considering his new position I doubt he will change his mind but you need to get out of the country quickly so contact your Lawyer and he will ensure your ex signs the appropriate papers.
Then book your flights and get the ‘hell’ out of New Zealand my dear.
Enjoy the rest of your life back in your country with the love and support of your family embracing you forever.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My daughter-in-law is a changed woman since she had her first child.
She wasn’t too happy throughout the pregnancy but we assumed she would come right when the baby was born. The pregnancy wasn’t planned.
We were wrong.
She hates motherhood, she went back to work four weeks after the birth and I took over caring for my grandchild during the day.
My son picks his child up at night and also the evening meal which I prepare for them.
She is not depressed or sad, she just hates this ‘mother thing’ as she calls it.
She is in her thirties and has a high flying job.
She is actually a lovely woman and my son and her are a loving couple.
She has now asked me to take care of the baby full-time which I have readily agreed to but my son is worried we should give her more time to bond before taking this step.

Aunty S responds

Your son sounds like a fine man but going against his wife’s wishes could cause conflict so best to go along with her.
She is being totally honest which must be respected.
I know of many women who should never have had children.
Sadly it sounds like your daughter-in-law is in this category.
You are a kind, caring and non-judgemental woman and your love for your family is obvious.
Your son can still stop in to see his child after work and you may like to keep making their evening meal which shows your support for both of them.
You are all very fortunate to have each other.
Keep in the back of your mind when your grandchild is out of the baby/ toddler stage your daughter-in-law may find it easier to bond, I know of a case where the mother accepted the child fully when they turned school age.
I wish you the very best and know you will be adaptable to whatever happens.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I am sure my neighbour is pinching my veggies out of my garden.
My garden is huge as it is great therapy for me as I have been unwell.
I have three little jobs during the week and this is when the veggies are stolen.
What can I do to catch the culprit?

Aunt S responds

Go to your local Fishing and Hunting store which is not far from you and ask about a Trail camera suitable to catch this person out.
Hire a handyman to install it or a relative handy with a screw driver.
Easy to put up, I have put up a few myself.
Run it for a week and then check the footage.
If you have caught him on film, ring the Police and explain what has been  happened and how you have footage.
It’s an offence to steal but I am fairly sure he will be advised by the police to behave himself.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

We moved house recently and one neighbour has turned out to be nosy and abusive.
The other neighbours we can’t actually see because of a six foot fence but this man cut his side down to four feet before we moved in.
When my young children are playing in the backyard he is continually swearing at them to shut up and leans right over the fence scaring them.
I tried calmly talking to him but he just laughs in my face and says he will call the Police and say we are abusing him.
What can I do to stop him?

Aunty S responds:

An elderly bully is the worst kind as they usually have quite a record at destroying lives.
But this is 2019 and we have cameras of all sorts.
Install a Trail camera that records sound and run it for a few days. When you have continual footage showing him abusing the kids call the Police and explain what is happening.
I am sure the Police will have a word with him which should shut him down.
Don’t take the camera down just incase he keeps the abuse up.  A second visit from the Police will probably totally flabbergast him.
And show family and friends the footage.
Moral support is vital in cases like this.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My Partner has a ‘Man Cave’ and spends his evenings in it, only coming out when it’s time for bed.
This has been going on for over a year and I am sick of it.
He says I am whining and he will do what he likes.  I found the key to it by accident so I went for a look.
Porn movies and dozens of empty and full bottles of whiskey in a cupboard.
He has always been selfish but has gone too far this time.
I work longer hours than him for us to survive and I am livid he is wasting his money on whiskey.
No wonder he never has enough money to give me for the Mortgage.
If I am honest he has never been a father to our kids, weekends are his sports and the pub.
I have never moaned because I thought he needed this but now I look at our kids who have no respect for him and I haven’t actually seen them interact with him for over a year ever since he built his Man Cave.
How do I make him realise he is losing the kids before it’s too late?

Aunty S responds

He is a grown man my dear, it was his choice to build a “Man Cave’ to get away from you and the kids.
I think this speaks volumes.
If you confront him you must be emotionally prepared for anything.
From the added information you gave, you are doing a wonderful job of parenting and you have two well adjusted kids so well done.
The fact your kids are not upset that their father is distant is a good thing.
You can take a horse to water but you can’t make him drink so be prepared for a negative response when you talk to him.
He may surprise you and say “I agree honey, I need to make an effort”
Or he may just continue being a disinterested Dad.
Get back to me anytime my dear.
Keep being the best Mum in the World.

 

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My son is running around with an unruly lot of boys.
They started pinching from the local Dairy and the Policeman came around to the house to inform us.
He was very good to us but told us we should seperate him from the boys by sending him to another school.
My partner says he will grow out of it and we shouldn’t make a big thing of it.
He will be nine shortly.
What should I do?

Aunty S responds

Your partner sounds like a bit of a twit.
Your son is eight years old!
Of course you seperate him from these rough little hooligans.
Take the Policeman’s advice and move him to a new school.
I have emailed you the name of the school which would be ideal for him and is closer to your home.
Stand up for what is best for your child.

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