sandra

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My flatmate is a slob and I want him to move out but his name is on the lease with mine so I am stuck with him for the next two years.
How do I make him clean up after himself?
Help?

Aunty S responds

You both have well paying jobs so the answer is easy.
Hire a cleaner to come in on Mondays and Fridays.
There is plenty to select from in your area so start dialling.

 

Dear Aunty S

I was a widow for a couple of years and remarried a few months ago but  am desperately unhappy.
Loneliness was the reason I chose this man as he was so attentive and kind but it was an act as he is vulgar and lazy.
I moved into his house and he has been putting pressure on me to sell mine and do his up.
He yells at me all the time, criticises my cooking and is just horrible.
He says he will go for half my house and money if I leave.
His house isn’t worth much so I know he will want half my money and house.
We are already sleeping apart and all I want to do is go home but my son says I’ll embarrass myself if I don’t give this marriage a go.
My daughters want me to leave and will help me do so.
I never rented my house so I can walk back in.
I left a beautiful home and gardens and I miss them so much.
I feel like such an old fool.
What do you think I should do?

Aunty S responds

Don’t stay another minute my darling.
Ring your girls and get out of there as soon as you can. You haver been married for five minutes so he has no legal claim on your house or money.
This sounds like a bullying tactic to make you stay.
A letter from your Lawyer will put paid to this nonsense.
Hold your head up high and don’t look back.
Your son is being a silly boy but  I am sure he will calm down in time.
Time for you to take charge of your life.
Join a club or a group in your town,  I checked them out and have sent you a list.
Hire a local gardener to tidy up your garden and get your life back to how it used to be.
Keep in touch.

 

Dear Aunty S

My son’s wife doesn’t bake and hardly ever cooks a meal.  She hints that she’d like me to do it as I live next door.   I ignore the hints.
My son works hard and ends up having to cook at night most nights.
How do I make him realise she is just being lazy as she has a job which isn’t that physical.
My son misses my baking and meals so I am worried about him.

Aunty S responds

Why don’t you take her up on her hints and bake for them and how about making meals for them as well.
You could make a one dish meal which could be reheated or make a meat and veggie option which could be plated up and frozen if need be or popped in their fridge for reheating when they get home.
A friend of mine does this for her son and daughter-in-law as they both work.
She is paid enough to cover the groceries and power and thoroughly enjoys helping her boy.
A lot of folk don’t like baking and cooking, I have found  a lot of the time it has nothing to do with being lazy.
Your daughter-in-law will be the mother of your future grandchildren so this gesture may help build a strong bond between you.

 

Dear Aunty S

My new boyfriend’s sister doesn’t like me and only invites my boyfriend to her parties.
He always insists on taking me which annoys her as she never speaks to me.
He is oblivious to all this.
Should I tell him?

Aunty S responds

I wouldn’t mention it my dear.
His sister is either a control freak or a sister who knows her brother has been hurt before so is not warming to you until she sees you are worthy of him.
Once she sees you are definitely making him happy she will probably warm to you.
Give it a month and if this hasn’t happened, write in again and I’ll give you Plan B.

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November 9

Another year knocked off.

Sixty-two today.

No changes to my body as of yet but am expecting another wrinkle or two around the eyes or possibly the neck over the next couple of days but am prepared for it; Nivea Crème is at the ready!

During old age many folk shrink but I am prepared for this body change as well; I bought some high boots a couple of weeks ago which I now wear with pride everyday and to my surprise they are really comfy.

And to think I had surmised I would have to suffer for style.

Wrong!

There is a slight issue with getting out of them at the end of the day, but thankfully someone is always on hand to assist me with the extraction.

Fortunately for me getting into them is an actual breeze!

 

These old age changes, I call,
“What the hell is going to happen next?”

 

On a serious note, I have never worried about the aging process, as many of the folk whom I have loved or cared for, have left Planet Earth which makes me sad, especially on Birthdays and Anniversaries.

 

My 25th Wedding Anniversary was yesterday so every year I have two memory filled days, one after another, to contend with which can be a wee bit difficult at times.

Every year I tell myself I will cope better this time round, but of course, I am proved wrong.

Memories can either make you happy or sad or both.

In my case, both emotions kick in.

My 62nd Birthday was celebrated in Queenstown on Monday; before my memory packed days; with my lovely family.

We laughed and smiled all day.

Everyday I count my blessings.

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Here is a selection of photos taken over the past couple of weeks of my garden, West Coast and Queenstown.

And my wonderful family, Sam, Ruby & Aunty Belle

 

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12 August

My stance on bullying is well known so imagine my surprise when I received the following.

After checking the validity, I decided to post it but understand before you read it; it is a very raw condensed account of a bully’s life so if you have been a victim/target of a bully you may find it a bit distressing.

…………………………………………………………………………………..

Dear Sandra

I was a Sophomore when I became a bully and thirty-nine when I quit, after an epiphany when my son, a Senior, targeted another student and bullied him mercilessly to the brink of suicide.

Fortunately another boy, who had been off school for a month, on his first day back, challenged my son in front of the class as common sense told him it was a pack of lies.

This boy took the matter to the Principal, Head Teacher and the School Counselor and within minutes of them talking to my son later that day, he crumpled and tearfully admitted what he had done.

Due to the severity of the bullying, the Police were brought in and before charges were laid, he was expelled from school.

My son was very fortunate to have been challenged and to his credit, his tears were genuine, as the reality of what he had done had sunk in.

 

My tears were only ever crocodile ones, always at the ready to manipulate a situation.

My years of bullying began when one evening I decided to skip my homework so the next day when I was asked to produce it, I burst into tears and blubbered how an older boy had thrown my homework out the school bus window, while telling me I would get a hiding if I told on him.

The Teacher was outraged and hauled the boy out of his class, and marched him into ours, demanding he apologized to me.

He refused and tried to tell how I was lying but it fell on deaf ears. The Teacher then sent him to the Principal.

 

This incident started me on the road to becoming a bully; a gullible teacher believing me without checking facts and as I had always sat behind the driver, a quick check with him would have seen my story fall apart.

 

By the time I left High School I was an accomplished bully, I was well skilled in choosing the most gullible to manipulate; they were my lackeys ready to spread whatever I told them.

Isolating my victims with lies and innuendo was how I would gain the control.

There is a misconception that victims of bullies are weak, none of mine were.

Throughout the years I manipulated the firing of co-workers, destroyed marriages, destroyed my own brother’s marriage by telling him a story how his wife had come on to me, the list goes on for miles.

Shortly after my son was expelled, we moved to another State as our town was not forgiving of what my son had done.

It’s been eight years since my life changed for the better but I will live with the shame of my actions and that of my son’s for the rest of my life.

Keep exposing bullies Sandra, you may save a life or lives.

R.M.

 

 

Time for a laugh

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

There is a growing attraction between the husband of a friend of mine and me.
I know he is as miserable as I am and as our children have all left home it won’t be that messy if we get together.
Do you think I should make the first approach?

 

Aunty S responds

No.
Over and out.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

My wife refuses to learn to drive. I have always known this but thought she would eventually give in.
I told her she was being childish and now she is distant towards me.
I don’t know whether she is depressed or just giving me the cold shoulder hoping I will back down which I won’t.

 

Aunty S responds

You are bullying your wife you silly boy; if you want to save your marriage you better back down fast and grovel big time.
She told you she was never going to drive so what really is the big deal? Or are you a manipulative control freak?
She is either sad, angry, shocked, confused or all of the above as she clearly has not seen this side of you before.
Think about what I’ve written.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My daughter used to be a healthy weight but after a few unfortunate relationships and a few kids she has taken to living on coffee, coke, chocolate and potato crisps to control her weight so her health has crashed.
She gets the shakes, muscle spasms and head aches and can’t function at work and recently lost her job after her long suffering employer couldn’t cope with her ‘illness’ any longer.
Recently she sent the kids to live with their respective fathers because she can’t cope with them.
I am fed up with all the Doctors she has seen because not one of them has asked about her diet.
She is self-destructing before my eyes and won’t listen to me so how can I help her?

 

Aunty S responds

Your daughter is unwell and needs professional help but until she comes clean with her Doctor, she won’t be referred to the correct Specialist.
I have sent you an email with more detail.
We will sort this out my dear and remember I am only a click away.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

 

Dear Aunty S

My daughter in law feeds one of her children certain foods even though she knows they trigger an asthma attack.
I believe she does it to bring attention to herself as she dramatically rushes the child to the Hospital –phoning a neighbor to mind the other children, organizing friends to go to the Hospital to support her and then posts it on Facebook so as to gain sympathy.
I have told her what she is doing is dangerous but she always responds with, “my children, my business.”

She explains it away to my son by saying that having an asthma attack and a bit of time on the ventilator is worth it as their child loves these foods and feels upset when excluded from them all the time.
He has told her over and over again to stop but she won’t.
Much to my horror the Hospital has never asked why the attacks are happening even though it is documented that certain foods trigger them.
What can I do to help my grandchild?

 

Aunty S responds 

It is time for your son to put his big boy pants on and stand up to her but first he must make an appointment with the Family Doctor to give him the heads up as to what is going on.
There is no time to waste my dear.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

For over thirty years I have been married to a sarcastic, moody man and lately his moods are becoming worse.                                    He told me yesterday he wants out.
I have always wanted out but stayed out of habit and now at my age I won’t be able to afford to pay the rent on just a single pension.
I am wondering if he has the start of Alzheimer’s; a friend says this was the first sign of dementia in her father.
My son wants me to go and live on his farm as he has a spare house, which he will furnish for me. He says all I need to bring is my clothes. The problem is how do I leave my husband if he has dementia?

 

Aunty S responds

As his behavior isn’t really out of character I doubt very much he has dementia.
If you want to stay then stay but it does sound like your husband is going to leave so maybe you should take up your son’s kind offer.
You are very fortunate my dear to have such a fine son.

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