sandra

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My parents are racist and disowned me when I married my Maori husband a few years ago. They flatly refused to come to our Wedding and now years later they have made contact and told me I can visit but on the condition I don’t  bring my husband or children.
My husband is very close to his family, they have made me so welcome so I have a huge family now.
My husband says he doesn’t mind not being given an invite and says if I want to go I should. He is the kindest man I know.
I really don’t want to reconnect with them but am I being selfish?
What would you do?

 

Aunty S responds

No my dear you are not being selfish and what a treasure you have in your husband.
How about sending a wee note to them, “Thanks for the invite but sadly must decline.  But should you in the future choose to invite all of my family we just may visit. Look forward to hearing from you”
This leaves the door open.
Keep me posted.

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Nuisance the wee dog

Shortly after the death of our cat, Lugs, last year in early October, a wee dog decided to mosey on up to our house to say “hello”.
This was her very first visit.

She wasn’t a complete stranger as she had spent the past few years visiting Ruby in the Orchard whilst she was thinning or pruning trees, during the months of Winter and Spring.
She rested against a hydralada wheel which made it difficult for Ruby when she had to move to the next tree. Often Ruby had to hop down off the hydralada to physically move the dog from the wheel.

Of course the wee dog would then wander up to the new position of the hydralada and slump down on the wheel. All rather comical but Ruby, who has the patience of a saint, thought it was no big deal.

 As this dog refused to listen to commands, trying to get her to go home was futile.
Sadly this silly little dog loved the road so if she wasn’t visiting Ruby there was every chance she would be on the road and the sound of the vehicles blaring their horns was always the indicator she was on the road.  So many near misses!
We named her Nuisance after her first visit to our home because that is what she became!

Lugs, our territorial cat would have given her the hiding of her life if she had the audacity to enter our home when she was alive.
Many a confident cat, found themselves limping out the gate licking their wounds after an encounter with her.
Furthermore Lugs had no fear of dogs, the bigger the better!  She even took on Pat the Pig Dog….the most kindest dog you could ever imagine. His crime being, sitting on the deck beside his owner.
I can still hear poor Pat yelping!

Nuisance’s first visit was most memorable.
She raced into our sunroom, leapt on the back of the couch directly behind a visitor who naturally assumed she was our dog.
She quickly leapt off, did a lap of the house and was gone.
I assumed this was a one off.
I was so wrong!

The next day she decided Ruby’s pet chook needed a scare so she jumped up and down on her cage, scaring the daylights out of her whilst barking uncontrollably.
I remembered at that precise moment a Policeman friend telling me many years prior, how he cured a nuisance neighbourhood dog of scaring his cats, a good squirt of the hose was all that was required. Of course this very day the hose wasn’t connected and I didn’t dare leave Dixie Chick’s side.
Eventually Nuisance gave up and disappeared.
But a few days later she was back.
It was raining heavily and this muddy dog leapt on my white duvet and velvet quilt.
What a mess!

Belle thought it was funny as Nuisance had leapt on her on the way to my room.  Her artwork was ruined but it didn’t worry her. It was Belle’s smile that made me laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation was and I didn’t mind chucking the bedding into the washing machine.   Worth it to see Belle have such another happy experience, as loosing Lugs was traumatising for me. 

The next day I was folding washing in the sunroom and she raced in, jumped up on the workstation in the kitchen, grabbed the chicken breast thawing under a piece of greaseproof paper and sped out the door.
By the time I got outside to tell her “not to come back” in obviously a polite way, she was well and truly gone, and so was Sam’s dinner!
A few days later, at 4am I found her asleep on the couch on the deck.
She wasn’t there when I closed the curtains at 11pm the previous night!
She looked up at me with a look of “what’s for breakfast?”.
This was probably the only time she listened to me as I yelled, “go home” into the calm of the morning.  She went rather hurriedly.
The neighbours farm dogs actually heard me shriek and started barking…….oops!!

Oh and did I mention when she leapt up onto the kitchen table and drank out of Belle’s cereal bowl….Oh my giddy Aunt….how did we survive this invasion!!
We endured many more fleeting daytime visits….Ruby, Belle and I…..never knew when she would pop in.

She was such a crazy dog with not an ounce of common sense.
One good thing came out of this saga…..Ruby was cured of ever wanting a wee dog as she was definitely leaning towards the idea before the arrival of Nuisance.

Nuisance finally left us alone early November, fairly sure she found another family to temporarily harass as for a couple of weeks after her departure we would hear her being called for, usually late afternoon and often well into the evening.
We always smiled as we knew that little Nuisance wasn’t our problem anymore.
But to be honest I did think it was a bit late for them to worry about their dog after it had wreaked havoc on our lives for many weeks.
Did they ever wonder where she was?

How very lucky they were to have her find us; animal lovers; and not folk who could have been less tolerant.
Her visits to Ruby in the Orchard are ongoing but that’s fine, as long as she never turns up here at the house again.
Just way too exhausting!
But then again if she needs a sanctuary again in life, we are probably the best place to choose as she will come to no harm.

Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My life is so boring as I do the same thing every day and I need some excitement.
I have a sister in Sydney and she says come over and get a job working for her as she is recruiting new workers but now I am scared to make the change.
Help?

Aunty S responds

It’s just you on your lonesome so take a gamble.
You are restless my dear and sometimes a change is all that is required to recharge the batteries.
If you don’t like Sydney, you may very well come back with a more positive focus and you are in a very fortunate situation as your job and Flat will be waiting for you so tell your Mum not to rent it out, so pack your bags and hop on a plane and check out what your sister has to offer.
Good luck.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My mother in law is horrible to me but is nice when in front of my husband while talking to me.
I have never told my husband as he loves his Mum but now I am pregnant I feel the time is right to tell him.
What do you think?

Aunty S responds

Okay…. your mother-in-law doesn’t like you and is a bit of a witch.
My dear girl she wants you to tell her son so there will be a scene, she’ll burst into a flood of tears and your husband will be torn between the two of you and a long-running drama will commence.
Relatives will choose sides ….her cat will snub you…..
My darling girl, do nothing.
Some mother-in-laws are angels from heaven while some are witches from hell.
Some mellow as time goes by, while others sharpen their knives.
If she changes, how nice, if she doesn’t, don’t worry about it.
And remember you are not alone as there are many women out there with the same struggle.
Contact me anytime.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My sister is having a big white wedding paid for by our parents, they are so proud of her as this is her first marriage so are going all out.
It doesn’t matter she’s had four other long term relationships, apparently they don’t count as she never married any of them.
I am so angry and upset as they never offered to pay for my second marriage. \
My first husband cheated and broke the heart of myself and our children but we now have a wonderful man in our lives who they will not accept as family as he only my second husband.
How do I get over this feeling of anger?

Aunty S responds 

My darling girl you have every right to feel angry but I think you probably feel more sad than angry.
Some parents are either silly, wicked or both for playing favourites.
You have found joy and happiness in life, something some folk never find.
The fact they don’t accept your second husband is disgraceful so if it was me I would pull up lame on the morning of the Wedding with a phone call to the folks stating you have all come down with a vomiting bug and obviously have to give the wedding a miss.  “So sorry”
Pack a picnic lunch and head off to the beach for the day.
Keep enjoying that lovely family of yours.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

After years of coping with my daughter’s erratic behaviour, she has finally been diagnosed with a serious mental disorder but now won’t keep on her medication because she misses her former self.
She is manipulative and has played the victim card all of her life and now she is telling everyone that I lied to the psychiatrist and he believed me, this is why she got the diagnosis.
I was not even at the appointment yet people believe her even her own Grandmother, my mother, this is how convincing she is!
She has stolen from us since she was very young and now she is in the workforce  I was told she has been accused of stealing but her employer couldn’t prove it.
I am worried what will happen if she loses her job?
Recently her Grandmother asked her to move in with her but I am discouraging it as she might wear her out as she is in her late fifties.
What should I do?

Aunty S responds:

She refuses to take her medication and is a liar, what a dangerous combination!
You need a break from all this drama my dear so help pack her bags and move her in with Grandma.
If it turns to custard, so be it, at least your mother will see your daughter is mentally unwell which will help you in the long run as she will be supportive while you work on Plan B to keep your daughter safe and well.
It may be a long journey as you well and truly recognize.
Life can be so unfair at times.
Just take each day as it comes.
Take good care of yourself and keep in contact.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

I have never felt the need to drink alcohol as I enjoy the company of others as socialising is my thing but I have a problem with those who try to push alcohol on me.
Some comments are really cruel.
“Party pooper’ or ‘stick in the mud” or “won’t your mummy let you drink” Or the one that really hurts, “So this is why your husband left you?”
What can I say to shut people up as I really could become anti-social which would make me sad.

Aunty S responds

Okay what works for me is probably a bit over the top but it does the trick!
In a deadpan voice say, “I have an allergy to alcohol, it causes me to vomit uncontrollably and once my bowels start, look out”
Trust me you will never be offered another drink, asked why you don’t drink or ever have anyone force a drink on you ever again.
Tried and true……

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My thirteen year old son threatens to run away from home every time I refuse to buy him what he demands so I end up giving in to his demands.
He excels at sport, is an A grade student, has really nice friends, yet he acts like a brat at home.
Our other kids are sick of his drama and now my husband and I are fighting all the time.
I know I have spoilt him but our other children, were brought up the same way and they aren’t obnoxious.
Any tips?

Aunty S responds:

Okay Mum…….no more giving in to him, you are creating a monster.
He is a bright kid, he knows he has a lot to lose if he runs away and where would he run too anyway?
Call his bluff.
Tell him if he wants to run away, that is fine, but he must understand when he is picked up by the Police he will be put in the care of the Government and will be placed in a Foster Home.
He will lose his friends as their parents won’t want them to be associating with a delinquent.
Scare the daylights out of him!
In time he will most probably settle down and behave himself especially when he realises he is acting like a fool and blowing his future.
All you can do is try your best my dear.
The rest is up to him.

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Ask Aunty S

askauntys2

Dear Aunty S

My husband ran off with my best friend and set up house with her in our same city a few years ago.
He refused to see our kids which broke their hearts.
He also refused to give me permission to take our kids home to Australia as I am Australian but I had them all in New Zealand even though we lived in Australia.
For the past few years I couldn’t take my kids home on holiday as he wouldn’t give permission.
My family flew in regularly to see us.
The other day he told me I can now leave New Zealand with the kids as long as I promise never to return.
He has a new job and I know we must be an embarrassment to him so out of sight we must go.
Of course I agreed.
My concern is he will change his mind at the last moment before we fly out.
What should I do?

Aunty S responds

Considering his new position I doubt he will change his mind but you need to get out of the country quickly so contact your Lawyer and he will ensure your ex signs the appropriate papers.
Then book your flights and get the ‘hell’ out of New Zealand my dear.
Enjoy the rest of your life back in your country with the love and support of your family embracing you forever.

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